It's a love thing
by buttahbenzo-casualty
Summary: It's a four-letter word that starts with L. It's Love. Shayley/Buttahbenzo
1. Prologue

The real life Spencer, Aria, Emily and Hanna also known as Troian, Lucy, Shay and Ashley headed to New York for another photo shoot they'd do together. They always loved and looked forward for shoots like this. It was like playing around yet working. They all took a power nap after arriving to prepare themselves for a long day ahead.

It was past 11 when they all met up at the hotel's restaurant, sleeping together on the same room like they always do despite being given separate rooms, ButtahBenzo arrived together goofy as usual. An hour later they headed off to the studio where they're supposed to have their photo shoot. As soon as the group arrived along with their Hair and Make-up team, they prepared themselves.

"Good day ladies. She will be your photographer for today" the guy who appeared to be the assigned team lead of the shoot introduced the female photographer.

"Isn't she the one?" Ashley whispered to Troian recognizing the photographer to be the girl whom Ryan Silverstein, Shay's ex boyfriend, allegedly replaced Shay with. The two girls looked at Shay who was also stunned to see the other girl. She couldn't understand what she feels. It seems that Ryan had cheated on her with that girl and now she has to work with that girl. It was just like yesterday that she and Ryan went on a vacation to Hawaii along with Ashley and his Ryan. She weighed things on her mind when the girl reached out her hand. _Should I or shouldn't I?_ That question haunted Shay's mind but being the professional that she is, she shook the girl's hand. The girl didn't even have a look of guilt on her face. She seemed amused to work with Shay. _That bitch!_ Ashley said in her mind. She was gritting her teeth in anger. She was very protective of Shay.

The shoot went fine without delays. They were just wrapping up when a tall bearded man entered the studio. His eyes grew wide when he noticed familiar faces around. He quickly scanned the room for a certain person and there she was, the Goddess of Hotness. The photographer girl approached him giving him a quick peck. It was more of brag than a welcoming gesture. His gaze never left the goddess. He observed her laugh with her friends. He was temporarily lost in the world of realm when he looked at her. Coincidentally the goddess turned her head to his direction. Her laughter halted when she noticed him and to add more pain in her heart, she had to see him with her. Their eyes met but Shay looked away quickly. The other girls noticed Shay's change of mood. She was hurt, it was obvious. She kept her head down like there was something amusing to see at the floor. It only had to take for Ashley to hold Shay's hand for Shay to excuse herself. At first she walked briskly but as she got closer to the restroom her footsteps were close to sprinting.

"We should follow her you guys" Lucy suggested.

"You stay here I'll follow her" Ashley insisted. She knows it was best not to crowd Shay wherever she might be. Ashley searched for Shay in the changing room but found it empty so she then looked for her friend at the restroom and indeed her best friend was there.

"Hey babe" she gently turned Shay by her shoulder and the brunette immediately wiped away the tears on her face.

"You need something Ash?" Even though she tried her best, Shay failed to cover up her broken voice.

"I need to be here for you" Ashley hated to see Shay crying and hurting. She pulled the taller girl closer and hugged her tight. Shay needed it; the feeling of security, of being loved. She broke down on Ashley's shoulder. The blonde didn't mind it. Not so long after Troian and Lucy went in and joined Ashley in comforting Shay. If Shay had lost some love from the romantic aspect of her life, she gained more of it from her friends.

After the short dramatic scene at the restroom they went to change at the changing room. Still recovering from her crying, Shay told the girls to go ahead and wait for her outside. They respected her wish and went out. When Ryan saw the window of opportunity he sneaked his way to Shay.

"Shay I need to talk to you" Shay was too occupied to hear someone coming in. So when Ryan spoke she was spooked.

"Ryan you scared me!" she said in a loud voice to almost a shout. "What are you doing here" she didn't want to speak to him, they had no reason to.

"Hear me out Shay" she had enough of him. After giving him an eye roll she brushed past him and headed towards the door but was stopped by her arms being grabbed by Ryan. It wasn't a hard pull. "2 minutes please"

"What do you still want Ryan? We're done. You said so yourself you're unsure of us. You wanted this. What do you want to hear from me? That I'm hurt? That I'm not okay? That I'm jealous? Fine! I am. Happy now? You found someone new good for you so please let me have peace." Shay cried even harder. Ryan hated himself for doing that to Shay. He kicked himself from within for being the guy who broke her heart. He was a fool to let her go. He let his action to speak for himself by pulling her to his body. He had missed the warmth of her body on his.

"I'm sorry Shay. You don't have to say anything. I really am sorry. I must be the most stupid guy in the world. I know I'm not the best loyal boyfriend and you don't deserve that Shay. I want you to know that I'm sorry for not giving you what you deserve. It would be too cruel if I ask you for another chance even though I wanted to. You're the girl that got away from me. I don't want to see you like this anymore. This is not me making up for what I did. I just want the old Shannon back, not for me but for yourself and for the other people who loves you and those who deserve your love." He finished his piece with Shay still in his embrace. He meant every word he said, he was sorry, and he also wanted Shay to be happy.

Ashley wondered what could've taken Shay so long. The blonde strutted to the changing room crossing paths with Ryan who had left with one last kiss on Shay's forehead. Ashley just shrugged it off but when she entered the room and saw Shay in tears again she was able to put the pieces together.

"He did this to you didn't he?" there was so much anger in Ashley's tone.

"It's not what you think Ash" Shay said in between sobs. Ashley didn't need to hear the rest of the story. She stormed off to where most people were and where Ryan was talking to someone.

"Hey Silverstein!" Ashley called out and before anyone could blink Ryan's face was bleeding and Ashley's hand was pink-red swollen. Shay came running after Ashley but it was too late.

"Ashley I was just saying sorry to Shay" Ryan defended himself but the blonde is in full fury.

"You should be and don't you dare make her cry again. Never!" Ashley grabbed Shay by her wrist and the rest of their team left the studio following suit.

None of them talked about what happened in New York. It was their real life version of 'New York minute' from PLL. Ashley's hand was still swollen. They all acted normal as they went back to work. Proud of what she had done Ashley examined her knuckles. _That douche bag deserves it._ She commended herself. She posted a picture of it on instagram but instead of narrating the real story she just captioned it 'ouch'. She never would let anyone hurt her buttah even if it takes to her to risk herself.


	2. Friend of Mine

-Shay's POV-

When I think about her my chest tightens and my air runs out. The heart beats of my heart goes uneven and slowly, second by second it fades away. She used to give me butterflies. I've said it long ago that she was the little sister I never had; my other half. She was everything I ever wanted and now she's gone.

"Shay?" Michaela, my best friend and housemate came inside my bedroom. She had a worried look on her face. "You haven't had anything since this morning. Do you want me to prepare something for you?" She lay beside me and I buried my face on her chest and broke down.

"No" I was crying heavily to the point that I can't almost breathe. Mikey softly brushed patterns on my back continuously saying it's going to be okay. But is it really gonna be?

* * *

After spending the day on my bed yesterday all in tears I decided to show up to work today. _Shay you can do this._ I continued to cheer myself up on my head. With all the courage I mustered I walked from the parking lot to my trailer. I forced a smile with each passing crew who greeted me. When I stepped inside my dressing room my eyes roamed around the room. There were too many memories of us in here. On top of the coffee table on the side were photo frames of pictures of us. On my on-set closet were some of Emily's clothes and her clothes. One of which hanging in there was her favorite Lakers hoodie sweatshirt. _How did this place become so much of hers?_

I closed my eyes to take everything in before placing my bag on the desk near the door. I didn't fail to notice the postcard of the Leaning Tower of Pisa. _Italy, our place._ My body suddenly felt warm and tears started to threaten to fall. I hastened my pace and gathered everything I needed but my body just fails miserably to cooperate. The things I get keeps falling to the ground, the things I'm looking for can't be found, it was more like I was panicking. When my coffee cup fell that's when I snapped. Maybe I still can't do this. I sank to the floor and went on crying. I really can't do this. I heard a knock on the door and then it opened revealing Troian.

"Shay what's wrong?" She lowered herself to my level and asked with concern. I didn't answer and went on crying. "Shay" Troian placed her hand on my shoulder.

"We broke up. She broke up with me" I barely managed to say. I still couldn't accept it, honestly, I still could not believe it happened. What had happened? In just a second it was over.

* * *

"…_did you see it coming? I can't believe the writers did that! So as I was saying…Ashley! Ashley hey! Are you listening?" I was blabbing my excitement and amusement with how the story of PLL was going when I noticed her not paying attention._

"_Huh? Yeah I'm listening" I shot her a 'whatever' look. She was clearly spacing out, not that I'm boring but I'm almost sure she's bothered by something that I can't figure out._

"_What's bothering you babe?" She focused her sight on the floor, on the view, anywhere excluding me._

"_I can't do this anymore" She said with a very tired voice. Clueless that I am I took her hand on mine and squeezed it._

"_Come on. It's the last season, we're all sad but you can't give up now." She looked at me for the first time and her eyes were dull. Something was missing in it…love._

"_I didn't mean for this to happen Shay. It's just one day I woke up and I started to question everything. It doesn't feel right anymore. I lost myself somewhere in the middle of loving you." I slowly withdrew my hand on hers. What does it all mean? Is this really happening?_

"_Have you stopped loving me?" It takes a brave one to ask such question._

"_I don't know" I could literally hear my heart break to minute pieces_

"_Is there someone else?" she shook her head. "Then why are you doing this?" My words came out bitterly than I intend to_

"_I don't know. All I know is that I have to do this." She looked away and so did I. We were both in tears already. After few minutes of silence she stood from her seat and started to walk away but then I pulled her by the arm._

"_Why is this so easy for you?" She just ends this just like that? What about our promises? Our plans?_

"_This is not easy for me Shannon!" She pulled her arm from my grip. _

"_I love you" I say to her desperately but she didn't say it back. The worst of the worst has come, the day that I feared most. I watched the girl that I loved most walk away from me on the balcony of my own home. I listened to the front door shut and the engine start and her car leaving, it was then that it sank in to me…it's over._

* * *

Troian has her arms around me as she helped me up so we both could sit down on the couch. I cried and I cried as I told her what had happened the night before yesterday.

"When she walked away I regret not following after her. I don't know what went wrong Troi. I must've choked her. I must've been too controlling. I must've missed out something" I still haven't figured out where I did wrong. Just last week we went to New York and it was all good and now it's this.

"Don't put all the blame to yourself. It takes two to make a relationship work. Did she say why she did it? Like a specific reason?" I shook my head.

"She just said it happened one day" Her words played looped on my mind and it hurts everytime.

"That's it? She didn't give any other reason? Don't worry about it Shay when she comes to her senses you'll get back together. This isn't the first time you broke up. You're going to get back together soon enough" Part of me was hopeful that Troian was right but somehow I know that we're done for good.

"I don't think so Troi but I certainly hope so. I was about to ask her to move in you know but then this happened." She gave me a warm smile and stood up

"Attract positive vibes Shay. So to hair and makeup shall we?" She offered me her hand and I took it to help me stand up.

"I think I'll take the rest of the day off. I'll go see Marlene." She didn't question me and just gave an understanding nod.

Marlene understood what I was going through. She agreed to give me time to grieve over my dead heart. I am now on my bed scrolling through my instagram posts crying over all our photos. I was indecisive if I am to delete those or not. Surely the fans would notice it and connect the dots and before I know it our break up would be all over the news. On the middle of my scrolling I saw one post that caught my attention.

'_it took me years to understand that the more I tried to settle her flames, the bigger her fire grew. And the more I tried to control her, the further I pushed her away. And when she was gone she left nothing behind. And for some reason I still thought of her and still hoped that maybe somewhere, someone has finally learned how to set her heart free'_

I got it from R.M. Drake. I smirked to myself. Who would have thought that this was a foreshadowing of my relationship with Ashley?

* * *

Days went by and we went on with our professional lives. We're at our best when we're playing Emily and Hanna but when the camera stops rolling it was a variety of cold, awkward and distant. It was obvious to everyone around but they didn't say a word not wanting to invade our privacy. I almost wished for the camera to not stop rolling. It was the only way I could be close to her, to link our arms together or hold her hand. Hanna and Emily's closeness was my only excuse to be inch space closer to her. I even reached the point where I thought there should have been a kiss between our characters so I could kiss her lips again. It was heartbreaking but it also makes me happy.

"Cut! Good one girls. You're free to go" Norman yelled and everyone started to pack up. We both went out of our characters. I went to my high chair to gather my belongings. I was almost ready to leave when I felt a presence behind me. Someone tapped my shoulder. I turned around and was surprised that it was Ashley. We just shot a scene together and usually we sort of ignore each other after having a scene.

"Hey. I was cleaning up the desk on my dressing room and I saw this. I thought your mom might have been looking for this for a long time. Here" she handed over a music album of my cousin Lea.

"She wasn't but thanks" We gave each other an awkward smile before she went out of Emily's room. I took a glance at it. It was an old album of my cousin which she gave to my mom when she visited us a long time ago. It all started with this.

* * *

"_Shay buttah what's this you're listening to?" Ashley walked into my dressing room with Kale Salad and chips on hand._

"_Oh it's this cd I found on my mom's rack when I went home. This was given to her by my cousin, you know Kim in Miss Saigon or mulan?" Her eyes grew wide._

"_Oh! Oh! And Princess Jasmine! A whole new world…" Ashley started singing and we both laughed at her enthusiasm._

"_Yeah her. She gave this to my mom and I brought it with me. I actually like listening to it. I remember I was so amused with her when she comes to our house. It's like Princess Jasmine was at my home. It was so cool for me that she sang the carpet song" I say with a shrug_

"_The carpet song? Seriously Shannon?" she laughed at what I called the song_

"_I will always call that the carpet song a`right" she went on laughing before she took the remote control of the player._

"_Okay okay. Here let's listen to this shall we?" She hit the next button absentmindedly and the intro of the song started to play._

'_I've known you for so long_

_You are a friend of mine_

_But is this all we'd ever be?_

_I've loved you ever since_

_You are a friend of mine_

_And babe is this all we ever could be?'_

_We both focused on listening to the song. Deep inside me it felt kind of awkward listening to that song. This was both our first time to listen to this song and of all people I would be listening to this with was her._

'_You tell me things I've never known_

_I shown you love you've never shown_

_But then again, when you cry_

_I'm always at your side_

_You tell me 'bout the love you've had_

_I listen very eagerly_

_But deep inside you'll never see_

_This feeling of emptiness_

_It makes me feel sad_

_But then again I'm glad'_

"_It's actually really good. What's the title of this song?" We both reached for the cd case and as our hands brushed we withdraw like there was a spark of electricity. We looked at each and smiled. I let her get it then. "Hmmm. What track is playing again? Oh number 2. Let's see. Friend of mine" She looked at me with a smile on her face and without really intending to I was caught up in her eyes and she also did in mine. We stared at each other as the song went on._

'_I've known you all my life_

_You are a friend of mine_

_I know this is how it's gonna be_

_I've loved you then and I love you still_

_You're a friend of mine_

_Now, I know friends are all we ever could be'_

_I let out an awkward cough to break our trance and grabbed the remote to hit the stop button._

"_It's really good" I mimicked her words a few moments ago. The song…it just says it all. I couldn't take it any longer that I had to stop it._

"_Yeah it is. I'll get us something to wash this down with" She pointed to the salad and stood up and left, quite swiftly I might add. When she left the room I let out a heavy sigh and ran my hand to my hair. I might be proven wrong but there sure was a tension in there. She went back with 2 fruit juices and we ate our salads with it. We didn't bother to put the music back._

_We had different scenes to shoot and so we didn't see each other after that lunch break. I don't know why but the lyrics of the song kept playing on rewind on my mind and I sang to it almost naturally. It's like I've memorized the lyrics just after listening to it once. I was busy on my phone while singing the song as I was walking to my dressing room. I was done for the rest of the day._

"_I've known you for so long you are a friend of mine but is this all we'd ever be?" I sang and as I've heard it, it wasn't just my voice. I looked up and saw Ashley looking through her bag singing it too. We were like singing a duet of that song. Hearing me singing she looked towards her left and saw me. I gave her a shy smile._

"_It's playing on repeat here" she pointed to her head._

"_Same here" I pointed at my head too. She then asked me if I wanted to come over to her place to which I agreed to._

I closed my eyes to fight of the tears. I promised myself over a week ago that I would stop crying and so I did. I took a deep breath and exhaled loudly. I opened my eyes and shoved the CD on my bag. _You'll make it through this Shay. You can._


	3. Hang ups

-Shay's POV-

There was no one else around the dancing room when I arrived. It had been one of my favorite places on set when it was setup not so long ago. I discarded my bag on the corner and placed my phone on the speaker dock. I removed my shirt so I was only on my under armour sleeveless top. I chose a song among my dance routine playlist and I was on the mood to move to the groove of Love Song by Rihanna. I positioned myself and once it started I allowed my body to move around like the same old dance steps I used to dance this with. I closed my eyes and let the lyrics of the song sink in to me. Despite the loud sound Ashley's voice repeats on my head. _'Shay…move on'. _As if it's that easy. Not long after I felt a pair of warm hands on my sweaty arm sliding towards my hand. I open my eyes and jump slightly, not expecting someone.

"I didn't mean to scare you." Drew said backing away.

"It's okay. I wasn't just expecting anyone that's all" I replied with a small smile.

"I was just passing by and I saw you dancing. You're dance real good Shay" Red glow spread over my cheeks. Drew and I have gone closer after recently shooting handful of scenes together as Emily and Jason. "So I'll let you get back to dancing now. Nice seeing you" He gave me his closed lip smile that I've always admired.

"Wait." I held his strong biceps. "Dance with me"

"I don't…dance" he said shyly and laughed. Drew was a big guy but he was a big shy one.

"I know you can. Come on" I persuaded him and he finally gave in. Good thing he was on track pants, it'll be easier for him to move around. It was no secret that we, the cast of PLL, don't really dress up on work except when we put in our character's clothing. He took off his shirt revealing his much toned torso. I smirked and raised my eyebrow teasing him earning a smirk from him too. "Okay so you follow me and be my support and you just let your body move" I played the song from the beginning and he observed me as I danced. Later on just when the chorus was about to play he joined in on my back and our bodies moved in synchrony. Bodies pressed dancing to the rhythm. I could say we looked so sexy by looking at the mirrors surrounding us. _Sexy dancing with Drew Van Acker is something._ I say to myself.

'_Boy I just wanna be in your possession_

_You say I'm the one you want so come express it'_

He twirled me around and I ended up facing him, few inches close to his face. We smiled at each other and then he twirled me again. This time my back was pressed on his front. Slowly, we continued dancing. I looked at us in the mirror again. I could see him slowly leaning in pressing his lips on the skin at the back of my neck. I can feel his hot breath on my skin. I turned around and stared at his green eyes. It was beautiful but not as mesmerizing as those baby blue ones. He was taller than me by about 2 inches unlike her who has about 4 inches shorter than me. _Stop thinking about her Shay._ Before I could think again Drew captured my lips with his. _Her lips are softer. Oh screw it._ I kissed him back.

'_Love, love, love, love and affection_

_Love, love, l.o. and affection'_

* * *

-Ashley's POV-

I covered my mouth with my hands to muffle the sound coming from it. I just saw Shay and Drew sexily dancing. He kissed the back of her neck and I almost wanted to stop him. She turned around and stared at him and the next thing they were lip locking. Anger and jealousy filled my body. Tears found home in my eyes. I wanted to step in right there and kick his ass for kissing her but I lost that right months ago. I broke up with her. I chose this…but why do I still feel this? There were couple of instances that I saw Shay crying after we broke up. I wanted to come to her side and comfort her but what am I supposed to say? That it'll be okay? Ask her why she's crying? I know why…me.

I walked away and headed for the parking lot. I already was on my way home when I saw them two dancing. I shouldn't have watched in the first place. I entered my car and drove away. To keep away the scene I just saw I tried to distract myself with music and ironically Kiss me by Sixpence none the richer played. It used to Shay and I's song. I sang to the top of my lungs. Flashbacks then came to my mind

* * *

_Shay and I used to be a happy couple. We were, until I decided to end it. It was a relationship grounded by friendship and strengthened by love. I may be the most stupid person to the world, I know that._

_I was enjoying my lazy staycation when my phone rang. I was surprised to see the name of Michaela, Shay's best friend, on the screen._

"_Hey Mikey" I tried my best not to sound surprised_

"_Uhmm…Ash…I didn't want to disturb you but did you happen to know where Shay is?" Her voice sounded hesitant. She must have been thinking that she wasn't supposed to be asking me about my girl-ex girlfriend's whereabouts._

"_I have no idea Mickey. I'm sorry" I could hear her sigh from the other line_

"_Well thanks anyway Ash. If you happen to hear from her…maybe…please call me" it was then that I noticed her worried voice_

"_Is something wrong with Shannon?" I crossed my fingers that they might just have fought or something and nothing really bad was happening_

"_She's missing. She didn't come home the other day and yesterday I haven't heard anything from her at all…" Michaela explains to me everything._

"_It's very unlikely of her not to tell you anything about where she's heading. Have you tried calling her again today?" I now was deeply worried._

"_I tried like a thousand of times but I couldn't get in touch. I don't want to worry her mom by calling her. Should I file a missing person's report?" It sounded absurd but right at the same time._

"_Don't. When this reaches the press it's gonna get messed up. I'll look for her in places I know and I'll call you as soon as I get info." I was already on my way to my car with just my lazy clothes on._

"_Okay. Thanks Ash. I'll call you too if anything comes up" We bid each other goodbye and ended the phone call. I went to places where I thought she might be in but came up with nothing._

"_Shay where the hell are you?" I murmured to myself. I leaned to my headrest and in a split second a thought came to my mind. I grabbed my laptop and hesitantly opened Shay's personal e-mail. It was such luck that she still hadn't changed her password. 'HmEf060810' She says it's best to use alternating capitalization and to use numbers. 060810 is a date that she says she treasures most. I checked her mail and to no surprise my suspicions were right._

_After a 13 hour flight I finally landed to the place where my hunch lead me. There is no assurance in what I'm doing but I'm taking risks. Before Shay had always said that she wanted to live in a villa in Italy someday just go there to get away with everything. It had always been her plan but when we got together it became our plan. When Pretty Little Liars come to end we planned to go to Italy and stay there for a month or so and visit places and live our Italian dream._

_I recalled the places we planned to go to before and went there one by one to look for Shay but ended up empty handed. It was around dinner time that I retreated to the hotel. I went up for a quick shower before heading to the hotel's restaurant. I looked around for a seat but instead saw a beautiful lonely girl sitting alone on the far most table. I made my way to her and sat down on the opposite chair. She was looking at the window nursing herself with a glass of wine._

"_So you found me" she said without looking at me_

"_What the hell Shay? Don't scare us like that again." I saw her hand on top of the table and I was nearly tempted to grab it._

"_I went to the places we're supposed to visit. I flew here alone. I needed something to convince myself that I can make it" Shay always had this thing to make something outrageous to get over something. "Is it about me leaving?" She asked me but I didn't say anything. "Because if you want me to stay I'll stay"_

"_Shay it's not." Was all I said. She was to shoot for a Bond movie in London and will be in there for quite some time. It was a milestone for her. She had dreamed to be a Bond girl and now the role is hers. We've discussed all sides regarding long distance relationships perhaps it's why she thought it's the reason I broke up with her._

"_Ashley it's been a month and I'm feeling no better. I need you" she looked at me desperately with her eyes in tears._

"_We can't do this Shannon" I said sternly_

"_Yes we can Ashley. I can-" _

"_But I can't!" I cut her before she could add something. Our table fell silent for a while. I don't know how we managed to keep our voices low._

"_Do you still love me?" She asked and I knew the answer. I've known for a long time. I just couldn't tell her. "I love you Ashley"_

"_Then stop loving me…Shannon…Shay…move on" she closed her eyes as I said the words._

* * *

-Shay's POV-

When I came back to my senses I gently pushed Drew away. I didn't want to lead him on.

"I'm sorry I shouldn't have done that" he quickly apologized. "I know that you and Ashley have just broken up and you're still coping up. I shouldn't have taken advantage of your vulnerability"

"I was the one who insisted for us to dance. I'm sorry too." We both had our eyes on the floor. "I should get going" I rushed to my bag and put my baggy shirt on me. Before I could leave Drew called me out

"I'm here for you Shay" he said. I approached him and left a kiss on his cheeks before leaving. _The person who said that same words after my last breakup left me too. No one stays._ I said on my mind.

* * *

-Ashley's POV-

Maybe I regret the things I said before maybe not. It's been 3 months since we broke up and all that matters is that I did it because I love her. The tears falling on my eyes made my vision blurry. I wiped away the tears with my sleeves then when I looked back on the windshield all I saw was a very bright headlight coming towards my direction.


	4. Secret

-Ashley's POV-

When I looked back on the windshield all I saw was a very bright headlight coming towards my direction. I briskly stirred the wheel away from it just in time to avoid collision. _That was close._ I said to myself. I pulled over to the side to recover from what just happened. I was crying and laughing at the same time. I noticed that my hands were shaking. I almost died and it was scary. Out of instincts I grabbed my phone and dialed the topmost number on my speed dial list. Few rings and a familiar voice answered only it was her voicemail and then I came to realize how crazy was what I was doing. I froze on my seat breathing heavily…what am I going to do? I ended the call and turned my phone off. I know for sure it already recorded my panting and she'd be able to hear it. _Ugh! Ashley you're an idiot._

When I was fit enough to drive again I went home and slept as soon as I arrived. It had been a long day. I woke up the next day in the mood to go out alone and so I did. I walked around the city going in from shop to shop. I was busy looking at my phone while walking that I bumped into someone.

"Sorry" we both said together and I was stunned to see who I ran into "Ryan?"

"Ashley. Hey!" He smiled at me and gave me a quick hug meanwhile I was still shocked. "Umm…are you gonna punch me in the face again?" He asked when I just stared at him

"What? Oh! No. No. Sorry about that by the way. I'm just…wow. It's nice to see you Silverstein" He chuckled and I could see he was really relieved

"It's okay. I was kind of an ass back then. It's nice to see you too. How have you been?" I don't know which was more awkward about this. Me bumping into my ex's ex boyfriend or me bumping into my best friend's ex-boyfriend?

"I'm…good?!" my answer came out more like of a question

"So how's you and Shay?" I feared that he'd ask that but he did

"There's no more me and Shay. I broke it off with her" he gave me a sympathetic smile.

"Sucks to be the one breaking the heart of the Shay Mitchell right?" I lowered my head in shame. "I know how it feels there's nothing to be ashamed of. I've been there."

"So are you going to get even with me and punch me too?" He shook his head in laughter

"Nahh…we're good. I don't need you to feel physical pain when losing Shay's much more painful. I think it's enough to get even." It all seems lighter when me and him could joke about something hurtful.

"I guess we have to share crowns now. Anyway I need to get going. It was nice to see you Ry"

"Nice to see you too. We should hangout next time and talk about it with coffee. Trust me I know how it feels and it's nice to be able to talk about it" He offered and it doesn't seem so bad

"Next time. Bye Ryan" He pulled me in for a hug and I hugged him back. Seconds later we both went on our ways.

"Ashley!" He called me out and I turned around. "Not to pry but why? I thought you were smarter than me?"

"It's complicated" He nodded and started walking away again. He understood.

* * *

-Shay's POV-

I was going through some stuff online and saw something that I wasn't expecting. It was some article online with Ashley and Ryan hugging each other. _Oh how cute! Those two people who I loved and yeah who broke my heart too._ I heard a knock on my door.

"Shay can talk about—what's wrong?" He came in asked but stopped and changed his words

"Nothing" I lied. He sat down beside me on the couch.

"So you're crying for no reason?" I wiped away the stray tears on my face and showed him my laptop

"Is that? You don't think she cheated on you with him right?" I gave him a light shove.

"Of course not! It's just that they both used to remind me of love…of being in love and of happiness and you know. Now they remind me of heartache, tears, sadness, the complete opposite" he wrapped his arms around me as I sobbed on his chest.

"Let it all out Shay. I'm here for you" he stroked my hair with his free hand

"Don't say that. They told me that too you know. Ryan, Ashley…but still they left. " It was true. I thought Ashley would make it all better after Ryan but she did even worst. At least with Ryan it could have been foreseen since we were fighting all the time but with her it doesn't make sense.

"Then I'll just tell you that you've got a friend in me then" he lifted my chin with his hand and wiped away the tears on my face. "Hush now. Promise me that you won't cry for them again. Promise me Shay"

"I promise" I muttered the words with no stress because that's what I plan to do.

I was kept on Drew's arms until I felt better. He shared to me stories to lighten up the mood and it magically worked.

"Oh I need to head out now. I have one more scene to shoot" he said as he looked at his watch

"I'm shooting in a few too. Thank you for being a friend" I was grateful for him

"Anytime." He kissed my forehead and I gave him the most genuine smile I have.

"About yesterday…" I trailed off unsure if we were supposed to talk about it

"We don't have to bring it up if it makes you uncomfortable." I nodded. Drew was such a good guy

"Why don't we have lunch together as my way of thanking you" He narrowed his eyes to pretend like he's thinking about it

"Only if it's on me" He said with a teasing smile

"Not gonna happen. It's on me" I insisted

"No it's not and yes I'm treating you for lunch. Okay?" To cut the chase I agreed.

"See you at lunch" I said when he stood up

"I'll be the guy at the door" I had a wide grin on my face and so did he. He went out of the door just in time Sasha came in. They both greeted each other cheerfully and Sasha already had a smirk on his face and was giving me 'what-is-the-meaning-of-this' look. I just shrugged in response.

"Okay I want details" She said as she sat down beside me just where Drew sat minutes ago

"There's nothing to tell" I answered

"Nothing? Really? Come on tell me what was Drew doing here? And what's with the smiles?" Sasha kept poking the side of my stomach

"Nothing. He was just being a friend' I said truthfully.

"And how exactly was he being a friend?" She really enjoyed teasing me

"He held me as I cry over this" I showed her what I've shown Drew.

"Oh." Sasha wasn't able to form another word for a few minutes but then spoke up again. "But that doesn't explain the smile you both are wearing. I haven't seen that one from you since months ago"

"Whatever! Let's just rehearse. We only have half an hour left before hair and makeup" I roll my eyes as she continues to tease me.

After finishing our Emily and Alison takes I went back to my room and as he promised Drew was there waiting by the door.

"Ready?" he asked me

"Let me just get my bag" he nodded and again I smiled. Sasha was right. I haven't smiled as much as I did today. _Shay you're making progress._

"Where are we going?" I asked as Drew drove. I had no idea where we're headed but I know he won't kill me or something

"There's this small place I knew…in fact we're here" He turned to a corner and parked his car on one of the empty spaces. It was a small pizza pub that already smelt good from the outside. It was real cozy in the inside too. We ordered what we wanted and shared stories over lunch. It was a good one I must say. As much as both of us wanted to stay we couldn't because I still had scenes to shoot.

"You're done for the day?" I asked him

"Yeah. That was the last scene I'm supposed to shoot today. You?" Just the thought of it kills me

"Midnight." I say with a sigh.

"Aww poor Shannon" he teased me gaining a light punch over his arm "I'm going to get bruises all over me when I'm with you"

"It's not that much force" We both laughed and entered his car. The drive back to the studio had small talks and giggles.

"Could we do this again?" he asked with a low voice. As I've already said he's a shy one. I thought about playing with him

"What was that again?" I turned to face him with a serious face

"I was asking if-" he didn't continue when he saw my lips curve into a wide smile "you heard me the first time didn't you?" he was now smiling too

"I'm just playing around. Of course we can do this again." He pulled over in front of the entrance of the building where we shoot

"You're here and let me guess, you're shooting a scene with Sasha right?" I gave him a 'how-did-you-know-look' and he pointed at my side. Sasha was looking at us with a knowing smirk and I just rolled my eyes.

"Guess that right. Thank you again for today. I'll see you soon" It was real tempting to kiss him on the cheeks

"You're welcome. I'll see you later" He gave my hand a light squeeze

"Whatever you say" I enjoyed his hand on my for a little while before pulling away and going to where Sasha was.

"Okay? Was he being a friend again?" I narrowed my eyes on her and waved my pointer finger from left to right as if to say no

"Come on we won't tell the others" Hudson, Sasha's boyfriend of years tried to convince me. He was around hanging out on set

"You two suit each other. We just had lunch" I can't help but grin at the memory. I can't help but grin at the memory. Yes it was one of the best lunches I had in months.

* * *

-Ashley's POV-

I overheard Sasha, Shay and Hudson's conversation. Hell I even saw her being dropped off by Drew. _Guess they're really hitting it off. Good for her._ Ryan was right it really does suck breaking Shay's heart and it does hurt too.

Later that night after shooting our last scenes for the day and not to mention another awkward moment of shooting Emily and Hanna's room sharing scene, I sat down on my chair trying to rest for the few minutes of break.

"Drew? You're here! You don't have scenes today anymore" I heard Marlene's voice and I looked over and saw Drew on a white shirt and cargo shorts.

"No no I'm just dropping by" He sat on one of the observers chair and then Marlene called us again to resume taping.

After having the perfect take we were finally done. I gathered my stuff and prepared to leave. It was then my eyes caught something that I still wasn't ready to see. Drew approached Shay and they chitchat for a while. I saw that one thing I haven't seen for months from Shay, happiness. She smiled from time to time at him and laughs at something that he says. I walked away heads down. At least he could do that one thing I failed to do for her, well at least I used to do. I drove home, attentive this time, and just like what I do for 3 months and something now, I took out my wine glass and open a new bottle of Moscato. I pour the drink to the brim of my glass and turned the music player on. One sad song plays followed by another. As each song changes the more refills I get. I flip through pages of a photo album that I have been flipping for as long as I've been doing by drinking habits. Tears, the tears complete the night, it just does. I wipe the tears away and take another sip.

I decided to surf online for a change. _What a crap!_ I can't help to roll my eyes at the gossip news and attached to it was a photo of me and Ryan hugging. _So what if I'm hugging him?!_ I kept on scrolling I found fresh news that added no help to how I feel at the moment._**'Shay Mitchell &amp; Ashley Benson: Couple no more'**_those were the big bold headlines I read. It was one thing to have knowledge of it but to read it all over the news was different. _Here goes the ton of questions now._ It's for sure that fans and reporters would surely buzz about it soon enough now that it's finally out. I continued to read the article despite the tears and the alcohol on my system. Line after line I go. _**'…and in the end the couple settled for what's best for both of them'**_Oh how true the last line was. It hurts but it's for the best. They wouldn't actually know why we broke up, no one else will, not even Shay. It's my secret to keep.

* * *

It's like buttahbenzo broke up for real. No pics no tweet no interaction :(


	5. This sucks

-Ashley's POV-

Lucy had dragged me to a private bar to join the rest of the cast in Shay's pre-send off party. Basically it's a party prior to her send off party. We were guided to a VIP room and inside waiting in there when we arrived was no other than Drew. I was as surprised as Shay to see him. All around the room were pink decorations.

"Surprise!" He said giving Shay bouquet of flowers.

"This was his idea. He did all of this" Keegan informed Shay. She was clearly so happy with all of it and so she went to Drew to hug him. I tried my best not to look away. When they pulled away Drew held both of Shay's hands.

"We've been hanging out for quite a while now and I'm happy when I'm with you. I really like you Shay. Everything gets better when I see you. You're all I see in a crowded room. I don't even want to look at anyone other than you…" I think I know where this was headed and surely Lucy knew too because she leaned in to whisper to my ear

"Ash I didn't know. I'm sorry. If only I knew I wouldn't have pushed you to this" I just smiled at her. She looked so apologetic.

"It's okay Luce. She's my best friend. I should be here. It's okay" I knew this day would come I just didn't thought it would happen so soon. 6_ months? Shay really does move on quickly._

"…So I've been meaning to ask you this, Shannon will you be my girlfriend?" by the time my attention was back to them Drew was already asking the golden question. A smiled appeared on Shay's face.

"I really like you too Drew. It's a yes" Everyone cheered when Shay said 'yes'. Drew pulled her close to him and kissed her forehead. I can't lie, it does hurt but at least Shay's happy now. I smiled along with the others. Confetti rained down as Ian and Tyler popped the party poopers. I can't help but compare how Shay and Drew got together and how Shay and I got together. It was nothing like this. It wasn't as cheesy and as romantic. It was unplanned to be honest, but it was lovely.

* * *

_I've noticed that Shay was a bit off lately. We've been busy with our own agendas that we've not gotten a chance to hangout together. She was always with Michaela and me with Jamie. Our fans have been wondering why we don't post pictures of us on our IG anymore. We didn't have a reason, we were really just busy._

_On one chance that I got I surprised her at her place. I brought with me bags of Nacho chips and dip. Shay welcomed me happily and surprisingly._

"_I've missed you Benzo" She didn't stop hugging me. She was all over me and I didn't mind._

"_I missed you too Buttah" she was home alone. I didn't fail to notice that she was listening to the song we were listening to on her trailer. I just forgot the song title. "You really like this song don't you?" Blush crept on her face._

"_A bit" She smiled and ushered me to her living room. We watched movies all day. My head was resting on her lap while she massages my temples. She spoke up when the credits started rolling. "Ash?" I was too busy enjoying the relaxing feeling so I just made a 'hmm?' sound. "Do you know why I like this song?" I sat up and looked at her innocently._

"_Why?" She looked down and breathed deeply. She looked at me again and her eyes were full of sincerity._

"_Because it says it all" she sighed._

"_Says what honey?" Sometimes I really was just oblivious to the things around me but then I understood when I felt Shay's lips on mine. It was very quick but the heat of Shay's lip lingered._

"_I like you Ashley…as more than a friend" Shay confessed. I have never been so taken back in my whole existence._

"_I-I need to go" I rushed out before Shay could say anything else._

_Shay tried to avoid me in every possible way for a whole week. Each night on that week I've thought about what she had confessed. What signs did I miss? Do I feel the same? What will happen if we'd be together? Together?_

_After having a scene together I wordlessly dragged Shay to my trailer and locked the door._

"_Why are you avoiding me?" I crossed my arms to my chest_

"_I'm not" she lies but then gives in when I raised my eyebrows. "Okay fine I am. It's awkward. I just told you what I felt and then you left as fast as you could like I have some contagious disease or something. What I said and did changed everything between us. I hopelessly like you and I need some time to wave this weird feeling off" I took a step closer. My mind was full of questions. What? When? Why? How?_

"_What if you don't have to? What if I told you I like you too" I slowly spoke…cautious most likely_

"_It's not funny Ashley" She shifted her weight from left to right_

"_Who says I'm trying to be funny?" I took a step again and now we're inches from each other. She was looking away from me._

"_Ashley please. You're really being difficult as of the moment" I moved my face closer to hers with our lips almost touching. Shay was biting her lip and still trying to avoid the sight of me._

"_Just kiss me already" She looked at me like it was as if I was challenging her._

"_Screw it" Shay closed the distance between us and this time I kissed back. My hands found its way to her waist pulling her closer but she pushed me away. "Woah! Woah."_

"_I like you too" I pulled her back and this time initiated the kiss. Our foreheads rested as it ended._

"_So you really do like me" She bit her lip again with a shy smile on her face. I nodded. "You could've saved me from all the awkwardness and shame the past few days you know. Just saying"_

"_Well I had to figure things out for one and I had to see if we do look cute together" She leaned back and narrowed her eyes at me. "What?"_

"_Together? Are you implying what I think you're implying?" she playfully wiggled her eyebrows_

"_Maybe. So what do you say, you and me?" I intertwined our hands_

"_That would work" and in that moment I swore to myself that I would never hurt Shay the way Ryan did._

* * *

"Hey" Keegan nudged me taking me away from my trip to memory lane.

"What's up Keegs?" Everyone was having drinks in hand dancing on the floor

"I know that was kinda awkward for you. I'm sorry Ash" I shook my head. _Why is everyone talking to me with such pity? It's not like I just saw my ex saying yes to her new boyfriend._

"I'm genuinely happy for Shay. She deserves it" He shrugged and handed me a drink which I drank in one shot. _I need more of this tonight._

I forgot how much I had to drink. I just felt hyped and pumped up. My body seemed like functioning on its own. We were dancing and it was fun. I spotted Shay alone taking selfies. I ran to her and photobombed her.

"You're drunk aren't you" she was laughing when she asked

"No. You're just blurry" I replied laughing too. This was the first conversation we have that isn't awkward. "Take a picture of us"

"Okay. Ready? Smile" I hopped on her back when she snapped the picture. I might have been too heavy or she wasn't just expecting it so we fell down. "You really are drunk. Here let me help you" She stood up and reached out her hand. I took it and stood up before hugging her tight by the crook of her neck with my face buried on her chest. At first she didn't hug me back but then she couldn't resist me so she wrapped her arms around me too.

"I love-"The next thing was all in black.

* * *

I woke up with a very bad headache. The room I was in was spinning. _JFC. This sucks._ I turned to my nightstand to see that it was past 1 in the afternoon. I picked up my phone and saw that I had few messages from my mom, Marlene and Troian. I also had missed calls from Lucy. I didn't look at the unread messages and proceeded to check on Twitter. Apparently I had photos together with Shay last night that I don't remember and on one photo it was just us two and she was the one who uploaded it. The caption was 'always and forever best friends #buttahbenzo'. If it was me I might have omitted best friends but then that's what I am now…just the best friend. Thousands of comments wished for us to get back together. I just smiled a sad smile. Feeling of joy and pain filled me when I saw Drew posting a photo of him and Shay with the caption 'my bond girl'. She could've been mine. _This really sucks._

* * *

_I was talking with a critic and analyst for an interview. We were about to end._

"_Is it true that Shay turned down 2 guest roles because she was to have cozy scenes in one and kissing scene on the other?" She kept writing down on her journal as she asked_

"_Excuse me?" She looked up to me and I had a very puzzled face on. I never heard of such thing. She might have seen that I was clueless. She turned the recorder off and put her pen down._

"_Okay this is off the record. From what I've heard Shay turned down 2 offers just recently." How come Shay never told me this?_

"_I-I have no idea. Could you just give me a second?" I picked up my phone and dialed Shay's handler. He did confirmed that Shay turned 2 roles down recently and even told me that he's glad Shay finally told me. I bid him goodbye as soon as I got the info and told him not to tell Shay I asked._

"_Don't get me wrong okay. Shay has a very big potential. She's beautiful, talented, sexy and self driven. She's got a bright career ahead but she wouldn't move forward if she kept turning down projects." I couldn't point my finger to where the woman was saying_

"_I'm not telling her to" she chuckled_

"_Of course you won't. You're her biggest fan. I know you're a good girlfriend to Shay but I guess your relationship might be the one that anchors her down" I was speechless for a moment._

"_Where are you going on with this? Are you telling me to break up with Shay?" I said with slight annoyance on my tone._

"_No I'm not suggesting anything here honey. But if it was me I'd let the bird free of the cage" she placed her hand on top of mine. Should I let Shay go?_

_I have thought through what the woman said. It wasn't something I could just ignore but it wasn't something I also should rush. Partly I believe that Shay really did turn down the roles because of me. Sometimes I get too jealous when she has scenes where she has to kiss someone else that isn't me or when she has to hold hands, be too close or you know. I don't know how many more roles she turned down but she should stop doing that. I know Shay loves me so much. Too much that she'd give anything up for me. She loves me over anyone, even over herself. If she was to choose between me and her career she would choose me in a heartbeat and that's what I'm concerned most. She was always passionate with acting. She had always wanted to be in this industry. This was her dream. She was yet on the verge of deciding whether she would accept the role as a bond girl or not. I cannot let her compromise her dreams because of me. I have made up my mind._


	6. Truth is out

-Shay's POV-

Shards of a broken bottle, smudge make up and hot tears on our faces; yeah that was what tonight's all about. I thought we could still fix it. I had hopes that maybe, even after the pain, she and I could still be friends again. I look at her one more time with looks of sadness, hatred, regret, pain, disgust and as much as I don't want to admit, love. I shook my head and walked out, at least this time it was my turn to do such. It broke my heart to leave her like that. A fragile and crying Ashley was on the ground not saying a word. I recalled the events of the day. It was supposed to be a party but why did we end up here so messed up.

* * *

"_Hey you" I greeted Drew as he picked me up for today's PLL series finale party. Oh it feels like it was just yesterday that I went here in L.A. for PLL's audition and now here I am on my way to its finale party with my very hot date._

"_Hey beautiful. Ready to go?" He was wearing a very nice suit that looked well with him while I was on a tight black dress that showed some skin and hugged my curves with my hair down. I almost looked like how I was on PLL's 100__th__ episode party which reminded me of Ashley and I's picture. We were doing our kissy faces and were just inches apart. "Babe you okay?" Drew broke me off my trail of thoughts which I was thankful for._

"_Yeah. Let's go?" I reached out my hand and he took it willingly guiding me to his car. We drove off to the venue. "I still can't believe it's over now"_

"_Me too. It was a good run, our ratings were always on the roof and we always trended" He replied to our light conversation. One thing that I like with Drew is that he's nice to talk to. "Now that PLL's done that also means you're starting with your bond movie soon right?"_

"_In 2 weeks" I sighed. He reached out to squeeze my hand._

"_It's okay. I still got you for two weeks babe." I turned to him. His eyes were on the road but he has a smile on his face._

"_You better make it count" I teased him but he just shrugged._

"_That's no challenge for me" He says proudly and soon the car was filled with our laughter. But not for long Drew's laughing face changed. "Don't you think you should talk to her before you leave?" He asked with all sincerity. He had been convincing me the whole week to patch things up with Ashley. It's not a bad idea since she and I were good at the pre send off party and things were not awkward after it._

"_I don't know. We'll see" I said nonchalant to the idea._

* * *

_Upon our arrival a lot of the media had been taking pictures of us and asking us couple of questions. We answered to some before heading in. Out of us liars only Lucy and Ashley weren't there yet. I mingled around with the other cast members while Drew was having a conversation with the others. 15 minutes later Lucy arrived in a cute red dress, just like her song from not so long ago._

"_Hey girls!" She greeted Troian, Sasha and I._

"_What took you so long?" Troian asked Lucy once she was beside us._

"_Traffic's a buzz. Where's Ashley by the way?" Just as Lucy mentioned her Ashley came in wearing a simple yet elegant white dress with her hair up. Just like me she also looked like the way she was at the 100__th__ episode party._

"_What's this a throwback party?" Lucy said a witty comment noticing the similarities but I was too distracted. Don't get me wrong, I like Drew a lot and he's my boyfriend but you couldn't take it from me to still admire Ashley. She still has a part of her in my heart and I guess it would always be like that. I loved her so much and I could never 'unlove' her even after our break up. Probably we will never get back together but at least I could still keep her as a friend._

"_Let us welcome the late Ms. Ashley Benson" Troian joked around and Ashley gave her a light shove before giving us all a hug. Good thing there isn't any awkward tension between us especially after she saw me saying yes to Drew and her almost saying…those words._

"_Oh don't be so dramatic Troi, I had to change my dress and then there's traffic. What's important is that I'm here now" Ashley explains herself in her usual bubbly manner. "You look good Shannon" she complimented me and I almost embarrassed myself by blushing._

"_You're not so bad yourself Ash" I smiled shyly. I could see the other girls looking at us awkwardly and thanks to Sasha for cutting of the tension with her fake loud cough._

"_So let's go around shall we?" Sasha suggested and we all agreed._

* * *

_ It was a fun night. Nevertheless it also has its drama since it's the series finale party. Not just an ordinary wrap up party where we still get to see each other for the next season. After this, we would continue on our separate ways and hopefully somewhere along the journey we'd work together again. Just thinking about it makes me want to cry already._

"_Wine?" I turned to see who was doing such kind gesture and to a half surprise it was Ashley._

"_Thanks" I took the glass she offered and sipped it. "I was meaning to have some alone time with you tonight"_

"_Is that so Miss Mitchell?" She said in a funny English tone that she always makes_

"_So what do you say Miss Victoria? Would you bestow upon me your blessing to talk to you?" I played around to Ashley's foolishness._

"_Of course my dear" We both giggled at our silliness. Our conversation started with how good the party was and how amazing our show has went. I attempted so many times to open up a personal topic yet I could not find the courage. The loud music and the crowd aren't helping either. "Something bothering you Shay?" Ashley asked noticing my utter discomfort_

"_Do you wanna go somewhere else?" I whispered on her ear. She looked at me surprised. It was then that I realized how it sounded. "I mean somewhere we could talk properly. Somewhere silent"_

"_Sure. Come on" We both left the area where the party was held but not after Ashley had managed to sneak for a bottle of wine. We were on what seemed to be a lounge with no one around but just us._

"_I can't believe you really brought that with you" Ashley just looked at the bottle and shrugged._

"_Why not?" She sat beside me and popped the cork out of the bottle taking a gulp of it before passing on to me. I gladly drank thinking the alcohol might come in handy. We continued talking but now about our plans for the future._

"_So you're really enrolling for Culinary huh?" I teased her. She just said that she was looking for culinary schools that could accommodate with her schedule. Since PLL was done our schedules weren't that packed anymore._

"_That's the initial plan. How about you? How long are you gonna be in London?" She passed me the bottle again and before I replied a took a drink of it_

"_I'll come and go. I still do have commitments here. So yeah." She nodded. I assessed the situation, now's the time._

"_Ash?" She turned her head to me with a smile on her face. I was ready with all that I had to say but seeing her sweet smile made me forget. She stared at me and soon our eyes met, oh those baby blue eyes._

"_Shay?" I opened my mouth and tried to speak but closed it again. I felt dumb for doing that. Her sight went back and forth from my eyes to my lips. My heart felt like it was about to jump out of my chest. Is this really happening? She leaned in slowly. It's like the whole world slowed down. Our faces were inches from each other. I could feel the warmth of her breathing. She closed her eyes and so did I. Just when our lips were about to touch I pushed her away. "Sorry. Sorry. I shouldn't have done that" she quickly apologized and moved a foot away from me._

"_You can't do that to me Ash. It's unfair." Well this doesn't how this topic was supposed to start. Tears were already threatening to fall. I tried to hold them back but as each second passes it gets harder._

"_Shay I'm really sorry. I don't know what came to my mind" she placed her hand on my arm and it had to take was that before my tears broke. She moved closer and hugged me. It wasn't as warm as it was. It was uncertain and unsecure. I pushed her away again._

"_Why? I've been wondering all this time Ashley. Why did you give up on us? Why did you walk away from me? Why?" The words came out angrier than how I meant it to be._

"_Do we really have to do this now?" she was calm, surprisingly calm despite of how I talked to her_

"_I deserve to know!" I stood up and paced back and forth. _

"_I-I can't tell you" I scoffed angrily and shook my head. This was a waste of time. I was going to walk away to the door when I heard her whisper the 6 words that made me snap. I think she didn't mean for me to hear it but I did. "I shouldn't have let you go" her face was buried on the palm of her hands_

"_What did you just say Ashley?" I marched back in front of her towering her with my figure._

"_Nothing" she kept her face on her palm_

"_Ashley!" I raised my voice on a threatening tone_

"_I said I shouldn't have let you go" She said in almost a yell. She looked up at me and her eyes were red in tears._

"_How dare you! You're very unfair Ash. You told me to move on and now that I am moving on you send those mix signals to me. Do you think I didn't notice you bringing me coffee more often last week than the other weeks before? Or you complimenting me most of the time? Why are you doing that to me? What wrong did I do to you for you to treat me that way? Tell me!" She didn't say anything. She just sobbed. "And…and during the pre send off party, when you hugged me, do you think I didn't remember you almost saying..."_

"_I love you" she continued the sentence for me._

"_Exactly! Those 3 words that I longed to hear from you months ago. I told you so many times what I felt Ashley but you never said it back. Now you just blab it out of the blue?!" She stood up and brushed past me._

"_I was drunk! I had no self control...control over what I feel." Her first words were angry but her last words were soft._

"_What are you saying?" She hastily wiped her tears with the back of her hand_

"_Did you ever think each time you said those words I'm not tempted to say it back? I wanted to Shay but I can't, because I shouldn't but in that night…that night where you officially moved on…I was so bottled up inside that I had to say it. Just like now. I love you Shannon. I never stopped loving you" I should be happy right? I wanted to hear those words to come from her again but I'm not. It brings me more pain to be honest._

"_So you told me to stop loving you yet you yourself never stopped loving me? See? You're being unfair! You end things suddenly without even saying why and then few months later you tell me you still love me? Fuck you Ashley!" This really didn't go along with my actual plan. I guess the alcohol was of actual no help at all._

"_I had to let you go. Remember that time I had an interview and you were in New York and I surprised you thereafter? It was a week before we broke up. Yeah how could you forget. She-she told me you turned down 2 guest roles because of me. I know how much passion you have for acting and I can't let myself be a barrier to your dream. You haven't yet decided if you would accept the role for the bond movie and it was too big for you to turn down so I had to do it. Now I know I made the right choice" I was in shock of her explanation. I was open for many ideas as to why she broke up with me but this was the least of my options._

"_How sure were you that I would still accept the role after we broke up? How sure were you that you were the reason I turned the roles down?" My voice was stern and cold._

"_You accepted it didn't you? And the lady said so. I called your handler he said you really did turn down those roles" I kept a straight face. Was I angry? Yes._

"_Yes I turned those down but not because of the reason you think! I had to turn those down because I was offered a better guest role. Project Runway and ANTM offered me to be a guest judge and I couldn't turn it down because that time I realized I loved modeling and fashion just as much as I loved acting. I didn't tell you that because I wanted it to be a surprise. You should've asked me first rather than making such rushed decisions. Ugh. I can't believe this" I felt so conflicted. Ashley sacrificed our relationship for nothing?_

"_I-I…I don't know what to say" she sighed. She probably regrets doing it. "But it was still for the best right? You're about to leave in 2 weeks for your dream role. It's not that much of a waste" What?_

"_Not much of a waste? Ashley you threw away relationship to the ends of the world for nothing. You should've talked to me about it. I asked you why, I asked you so many times. We could've still fixed it but it's too late. You know what you did? You took away something so important from me aside from my heart. You took away my freedom. You think you gave me freedom? Well newsflash Ash you didn't. You didn't give me a chance to make a choice." My chest was aching. My heart broke again. Our tears were unstoppable._

"_I'm sorry. I'm sorry I messed us up. I'm so sorry Shannon." That's why I didn't want anyone making decisions for myself because I know it would end up a mess, just how my relationship went._

"_I hate you Ashley" I didn't really hate her, I just couldn't find a much more appropriate word. She walked closer to me and held my arm._

"_Shay please" I was so mad that I yanked my arm from her and unintentionally causing her to tumble down. She knocked off the empty bottle as she fell shattering it to pieces beside her. I covered my mouth with the unexpected turn of events. She didn't say a word. She just sobbed there. I look at her one more time with looks of sadness, hatred, regret, pain, disgust and as much as I don't want to admit, love. I shook my head and walked out, at least this time it was my turn to do such. It broke my heart to leave her like that. A fragile and crying Ashley was on the ground not saying a word._

* * *

"Hey we're here" Drew spoke for the first time since we went home. After leaving Ashley behind I called Drew in tears and told him I wanted to go home. I almost wasn't able to let a word out on the phone. He came not long after to my rescue and drove me home without asking anything.

"Thank you" That was all I said before unbuckling my seat belt and hugging him. I hold on to him like he was my life support. He unbuckled his seat belt so he could hold me tighter. I cried over and over again onto him.

"It's okay. It's going to be okay baby" he tried to console me.

I woke up with the sun rays peaking through my bedroom curtain. I was still on the dress I wore last night. My head pounded as I tried to recall the events of yesterday. I saw Drew sleeping soundlessly on the couch placed by the window just like how Emily's was. Then I remembered my argument with Ashley. I found out the truth but I wasn't exactly happy of it. I expected for it to give me closure but it didn't.

When I was still with Ashley I would admit I did decline some offers or at least what I was asked to do. Ashley was always jealous. It was always 'Shay why is that too short', 'Why was he holding on to your hand for too long', 'He stares too much', 'Why weren't you picking up' or 'Why are you home so late'. I stuck up for her against all the imperfections of our relationship. Despite her jealous nature she always made me feel that she loved me. She promised me forever but she ended it years short. She had let me go when she shouldn't have at all and now it's too late. I watched the rise and fall of Drew's chest. I looked at him then the picture frame on my nightstand where Ashley and I's picture used to be. I looked back at Drew. I sighed. Yeah it's too late.

* * *

**Happy Thanksgiving! Review?**


	7. Friendzoned

-Shay's POV-

_I've been a fool all this time. All I wanted was to be the best, to give you the best with all that I could. I tried so hard that I didn't see that all you needed was me. I know I've made my mistakes. I know I couldn't take it all back. As much as it hurts I know it's too late now. My apologies wouldn't take away the pain. It won't rewind to those times I made you cry. What would my apologies do now if it's already over?_

_I won't beg you to come back. I'm happy that you're happy, that someone like Drew is making you happy. I really am. But I am asking you one thing Shay; I'm asking you to be my friend again. Someone I could call at the end of a long day and exchange conversations with. Someone I could tell all the silly stories and thoughts and random stuff that pops on my mind. I just want my best friend back._

_You're the buttah to my benzo and I love you more than smiles and you used to love me more than rainbows. I still love you more than glitter fairies and mentos and I hope you still love me more than gumdrops. Seriously Shannon I don't want to waste the years we've spent together just because I messed up our relationship. You were my best friend before that and it might be all sorts of weird and awkward but I still want you as a friend. If you're going to take me back, call me._

_-Ashley_

_P.S. I would understand and respect whatever your decision is but I'll be waiting._

It had been 3 months since I left L.A. and all its drama. I've gone back and forth but never had I ever had a chance to have a word with Ashley since PLL's series finale party. We didn't bother to contact each other or at least make a move to reach out. I wasn't mad anymore. I just didn't have the guts. 10 months after we broke up and I still don't have the guts, not when alcohol's involved just like at the party. So it was a surprise to receive that letter from her yesterday. I haven't got the chance to read it until now and I haven't stopped reading it since. I read it over and over again yet I couldn't figure out what to do.

"Attention passengers of flight 1600 from London, we have just landed at Los Angeles International Airport. You may leave the plane shortly. Thank you" My attention was called by the announcement. I stuffed the letter to my carryon bag and patiently waited to exit the aircraft. I was coming home mainly to surprise Drew on Valentine's day and meet up with the rest of the PLL cast and crew for the pre-production of the most awaited PLL movie but I guess I could also use up this opportunity for something else.

* * *

-Ashley's POV-

Few days ago I sent a letter to Shay. I don't know what came to me; it just felt like the right thing to do. Two days from now we would be meeting up for the pre-production of the PLL movie. I don't know if she's coming but hopefully I'd come face to face with her after 3 months. What if she wouldn't take me back? What if she doesn't want to be friends again? What if-I have too many what ifs. _Ugh! Ashley why are you so impulsive? Why didn't you think it through?_

"Ashley! Hey! Ashley!" Jamie Schneider, a good friend of ours and my stylist called out my attention. "You okay? Your yogurts been sitting there for about 15 minutes"

"I sent Shay a letter" I spoke out of nowhere. I saw her almost choking on her yogurt.

"What? When? Ashley! Are you sure with what you did? Did she write you back? Woah I didn't know you're into snail mails" She fired up 20 questions with me

"Slow it down honey. I sent it few days back and no she haven't said anything yet. What if she doesn't say anything at all? What if she doesn't want to be friends with me anymore? What…" I stopped myself from saying my what ifs again. "If my calculations were right the Global Express Guaranteed service takes 1-3 business days and it's been…yeah she could've read it by now and she should've called because I said-"

"Ashley you're talking more to yourself than me you know that right? Why are you expecting her to call you?" I tried to calm myself first before talking again

"In my letter I told her that if she wants to take me back, as a friend of course, she just call me. And I trust that she will…maybe" I said with a shrug.

"That's quite a long shot Ash. Kudos to you" Jamie said laughing while taking a spoonful.

"Shut up Jaime. Just shut up. She'll call. I bet my life on it" I laughed along but I sure am serious when I said she'll call. I mean come on I'm her benzo…well oh that was before I broke her heart. I kept glancing at my phone from time to time. My hopes were really up.

* * *

-Shay's POV-

"Shannon Ashley Mitchell!" Michaela came running to me and wrapped me in a bone crushing hug once she saw me. I asked her to pick me up at the airport. No one knows I'm coming home except for her and Marlene.

"Oh God I missed you too. Let's get me home shall we?" I hugged her just as tight and we both headed to our place. It was a little after lunch when I arrived but we still had a late lunch when we arrived home and not to mention a welcoming playtime by our dogs. _Home sweet home._

Later that day or rather night I dropped by to see my first reason of coming home, Drew. I intentionally started an argument with him yesterday so I could surprise him today and it was worth it I guess since I made him so happy when he opened his door and saw me. He ordered take outs for us both and we sat right afterwards on his couch cuddled up.

"Happy Valentine's day Mr. Delatour" I was so fond of calling him by his character's name.

"Your greeting's a day early but I wouldn't exactly complain" He moved my hair to one side of my neck and started placing kisses on my shoulder slowly going to my neck. I tilted my head to give him more access.

"Well from where I'm just from its Valentine's day there already so you wouldn't mind receiving your gift early would you?" He started kissing me right below my earlobe and in my jaw line. I closed my eyes to enjoy the moment but as sinful as it is I could imagine Ashley doing the same thing to me.

"Sure won't" his lips touched mine and slowly he kissed me. This won't be the first time of us making love but it sure is the first time that I've thought of someone else and of all people that I would be thinking about at this crucial moment, it's Ashley. I gently pushed him away. "Did I do something wrong?" He asked me with pure concern.

"No" I cupped his cheeks and shifted my body so I'm facing him fully. His green eyes were a few shades darker but it was like always full of love. There's this man staring at me right now who always exerted effort on me; stayed up late just so we could talk completely disregarding the difference of our time zones. The man who visited me twice by surprise in London because he missed me. The person who volunteered to meet my family on Christmas. He had down so much for me in the short span of time that we're together yet here I am thinking of someone else as he kisses me. "I just miss you that's all" I closed my eyes and leaned in fighting back my stirred up mind. _You've moved on Shay. You've had 3 good months without her and that single letter wouldn't change that._

* * *

-Ashley's POV-

The day that I was so anxious about had finally come, the pre-production meeting. I was thinking maybe she wouldn't be coming. No one knows if she's coming or not. I didn't want to ask Marlene though I know she knows whose coming and who isn't. I nervously entered the conference room and I was unsurprisingly not early. I swear my heart stopped beating for a second when I saw who Lucy was hugging.

"Ashley!" Lucy squealed and pulled away from her and ran to me. My eyes were kept still on the back of her. She came. But why didn't she call? I was going to approach her but then Marlene arrived so Lucy and I sat on our assigned seats. I was at the end of the table with Lucy on my left and she was on the other end with Troian on her right and Sasha on the middle of our table. Normally we were by each other's sides now it's different. A lot are.

Marlene explained to us the concept of the movie, the storyboard, mostly all the things done on a pre-production meeting. She then told us that once the schedules of filming were set we would be informed as soon as possible and that we would start the production. Over our lunch break I overheard Keegan and Drew talking. I found out that she arrived two days ago and even surprised Drew. In return he surprised her with a romantic lunch at a private beach yesterday. Yesterday was Valentine's day and I was just home waiting for my phone to ring but then the person I'm waiting to call seem to find no interest at all to call me. _Real nice._

When the meeting was adjourned everyone didn't leave the room and catch up on each other's lives. We all did miss working with one another. The afternoon was full of stories and jokes and laughter. One by one the cast and crew bid goodbye. I was one of the few who left last.

"Do you mind giving me a lift?" I was scared as hell when someone said that to me from behind. I turned around and saw Shay standing with her hands on the pocket of her coat. One gesture of her when she was nervous.

"Uhh-yeah I guess. Sure. Come on" She gave me a small smile and went inside on the passenger side of my car.

"I thought you and uhh Drew left already. So where to?" I tried to avoid looking at her. She was all sort of confusing. She was fuming when she left me at the party. We didn't talk for 3 months. She didn't call me after receiving the letter and now here she is asking me for a lift. _Wait. What if she didn't get the letter yet? There goes your questions again Ashley._

"I told him to leave ahead of me…so we could uhm talk?" She trailed off. I didn't start my car. I just sat there with her silently.

"The last time we talked to each other didn't really go well you know" I didn't want to start tensions. I just didn't know how to converse with her.

"I know." She sighed. "I should have called" I looked at her hesitantly

"So you received my letter" she nodded "Why didn't you?" I said in almost a whisper. Here it goes now. She's going to tell me she doesn't want to be friends with me anymore. She's going to cut ties with me permanently.

"I didn't know what to do. I mean the last time we saw each other it was awful, we didn't talk for a while and I receive that letter from you all of sudden. And also I only had the chance to read it on my way here" My hand gripped the steering wheel hard. We weren't moving. We were still on the parking lot but the car seems to be moving on a fast pace and I am about to throw up. "I didn't call because….because I didn't know what to say."

"I get it Shannon. I hurt you. I messed us up. You didn't have the words to tell me you're cutting ties with me" I say dejectedly. Tears were falling on my face no matter how hard I tried to stop them.

"Ashley no. Our friendship means a lot to me. You were my best friend before we got together and you still are. It's just that it's all very confusing now. We both got hurt and we both shed so much tears. I really want to take you back Ashley" She slowly said her piece

"but?" The worst part is now about to come

"but if I take you back we have to start all over again from square 1. I want us to leave behind all the hurt and pain we had. I'm not saying we forget because we never forget the pain. What I'm saying is that we're not going to fix our friendship or something. We're totally renovating it. Do you understand what I mean?" Man that was not what I expected. I let go of the breath I didn't know I was holding. I was so relieved and happy that she didn't want to totally end things

"I do." I smiled and nodded. She wiped away the loose tears. "So uhm let me introduce myself to you again. Hey! I'm Ashley Benson" I stuck out my hand to her

"Shay Mitchell. Nice meeting you" She took my hand on hers and smiled from ear to ear. It was the first time in a long time that I saw her smile that way and the reason behind it was me.

"Shay? Is that a short for something?" I decided to play around a bit

"It's a short for Shannon Ashley" she humored me

"Pretty name for a pretty girl" she playfully slapped my arm

"Oh are you hitting on me already?" We both laughed at our silliness

"So what do you say Shannon, friends?" she smiled sweetly and nodded

"Friends" I smiled back contently and started the ignition. At least we've sorted things out now. _Friends._


	8. It's all platonic

-Shay's POV-

I went back to London after my brief visit to L.A. to finish everything for the bond movie and just a week after we wrapped up. Just as it always was on every wrap up, it was bittersweet, but nevertheless the wrap up party is a blast, much more the after party. Drew was supposed to be my plus one but he couldn't make it because he had to film in Atlanta so Michaela flew in instead. I was disappointed of course but I know our jobs had to come first.

"Hey Shay look who's here!" Michaela said with a loud voice so I could hear her from the blasting music on the club

"Who's that?" I wasn't drunk, well a bit I guess, my vision was starting to become a blur. My best friend dragged me to the bar where the person she seems to be pointing out was.

"Hey girly girl" Michaela greeted the girl. I narrowed my eyes so I could see the face. It was harder to see near because I was far sighted plus the alcohol running on my system.

"Is she buzzed?" The girl spoke and laughed. Her laughter was what I recognized. It was Ashley. What was she doing here?

"Oh sh-my bad. Ashley. Hey" I tried my best not to sound so drunk

"Have you forgotten about me Shay?" The person Ashley's with spoke in a perfect English accent that I could unmistakably recognize as Julian.

"Julian! Sorry. I'm so sorry." I went to hug him and he gave me a kiss on the cheek in return. "This is my friend Michaela"

"I met him before Shay. Sorry she's just not functioning perfectly right now" The 3 of them laughed at me and I could just shrug at them

After a short talk we all went back to our designated groups. It crossed my mind as to why Ashley was with Julian when she's supposed to be here in London for an event. Oh well I'm not in the place to care, so, whatever party harder.

* * *

-Ashley's POV-

London was so big but not for me and Shay. There were other clubs out there but we coincidentally met here. I wanted to say it was by serendipity but whatever. We both moved on and are friends now so I shouldn't be thinking like that. Julian and I went to the dance floor and danced our asses out. It was my last night here and it was mere luck that he was in London too so we arranged to meet with some friends and then we ended up here.

"Hey I'll get something to drink do you need anything?" I asked him but he politely declined telling me he was fine.

"1 stirred Vodka Martini with an olive and a twist please" The DJ's mixes were so sick. I love it. It pumped up the crowd even more.

"Vodka martini stirred with olive and twist. It's on the house" the bartender said with a wink. I just laughed at him. I took a sip and looked around. My eyes caught Michaela trailing behind Shay heading to the rest room. I couldn't stop myself from laughing. _Poor Michaela having to deal with a drunken Shay._

I went back to our area and sat down with my sight randomly glancing at the restroom. I took a selfie and posted it on instagram. I glanced at the restroom again. Knowing that I would still be bothered about Shay's condition, I decided to go see her myself. I peeked at the door and saw Michaela by the door of one stall.

"Hey! How can I be of help?" I hesitantly approached them. When I got near I had a clear view of Shay emptying the contents of her stomach and Michaela was holding her hair back.

"Could you grab more tissue Ash?" I went to the tissue dispenser to get what Michaela asked for.

"Oh God, never again" Shay said wiping her mouth and walking to the sink to wash it with water.

"Do you have a ride?" I asked the two girls.

"We have a rental" Michaela was the one who answered me. I thought hard of what I should do and in my head I thought that I am her friend, wait that doesn't' sound right, I am her best friend, better now I should help her to at least get settled in wherever she's staying at.

"I'll help you take Shay there" Michaela smiled gratefully and soon we both helped the drunk and not so light weighted Shay towards the rental car. Their driver was there waiting, thank goodness.

* * *

"Where's my phone?" Shay stumbled around her room looking for her phone which was with me. It had a pink case which was so Shay. I took away her phone because friends don't let friends dial drunk. "I need to find my phone. I need to call Drew. He should know how much fun I had" I sighed

"Let's get you to bed Miss not so sober. Come on" I guided her to bed which was harder than I remember. I had to drag her which was not an easy job. I already forgot how stubborn Shay was when drunk. I regrettably told Michaela that I got Shay so she could rest already. She was just on the room across but I'm sure by now she was already dozed off.

When I successfully had her lying in bed I took off her shoes and searched her makeup remover pad. I know Shay wouldn't appreciate it when if I didn't remove her makeup. I then got a wet face towel to give her a quick sponge bath. She kept on moving which made the task hard but then the next task was harder, dressing her up. I paced around the room biting my fingernails. _Just make it quick and try to avoid looking. Go._ I challengingly unzipped her dress and took it off. _She got even sexier._ _Stop it Ashley._ I tossed her dress on the side and then I remembered that I forgot to get her sleeping clothes before I undressed her. I went to the closet and pulled up a boy shorts and a baggy shirt. As I approached her again I had a full view of her in just her underwear. Maybe out of old habit I bit my lower lip and took in the sight before me. I had to shut my eyes tight and breathe deeply so I could compose myself again. We're just friends now and I don't want to cause something that would make it all awkward again. As if my own body had a mind on its own, I found myself a foot away from now a sleeping Shay. Before I could do anything I would or would not regret I quickly dressed her up.

"Good night Shannon" usually I would have kissed her forehead but for safety measures I just walked away.

"Stay" she murmured. I stopped my tracks. "Stay" she said again. I tried to fight it off. I did but I didn't see the harm of staying. I walked back to her other side and sat on the bed on top of the covers. My back was resting on the headboard while my legs were stretched on the rest of the bed.

"Sleep tight" I run my fingers through her hair and lightly scratch it. It was one of the best methods when putting Shay to sleep.

"Babe" I stiffened when she called me that word "You know I saw her today at club. She was with Julian and I don't know with some friends. I wish you were here with me baby. Why did you have to film today?" she was slurring as she was talking. I realized when she called me baby that I'm not the one. She was referring to Drew. She thought I was Drew. "I miss you babe" I just smiled at her but in my mind I was thinking that if we didn't broke up I could've been the one with her. She might not be this drunk or it was two who could've gotten drunk. She wouldn't have to say she misses me. Or maybe if I was filming somewhere too would she have missed me? I realized the things I missed the chance to do but then right now, all that's happening, me taking care of her, these are the things that I still could do.

I stayed until the morning but before Shay wakes up. I didn't sleep. I just watched her sleep. I didn't leave her a note or anything. I just left. I went back to my hotel, packed up my things and got ready to leave for L.A.

* * *

**...2 weeks later…**

We're now on our first day of filming for the PLL movie. I was at crafty with Lucy when Drew came. Hey took some food and drinks with him and left. I assume it was for him and Shay. I went back eating but then I noticed him walking back

"Hey Ash. Shay told me that Michaela told her that you took care of her when had too much to drink in London. Thank you" He said sweetly. Drew never had grudges or insecurities with me. I never felt any tension with him.

"She's my best friend it was no biggy" he smiled and walked away again.

"You partied with Shay in London?" I rolled my eyes when Lucy gave in to her curiosity.

"No. I mean kinda. I was with Julian and other friends and we saw them, well they saw us, I went to the bar to get some drink I saw her running towards the restroom with Michaela and I went to check on them and then I helped her get settled in her room and…that's it" I tried to hide the fact that I stayed over. It was an unnecessary detail to tell

"You hesitated. What else happened Ash?" If Lucy wasn't my friend I would have just ignored her questions

"She asked me to stay…and I did" Lucy gave me a straight face and a brow raise which was equivalent to 'seriously?' "What? She asked. She was my friend I couldn't turn her down…and did I say she was my friend"

"Ashley, you're making it hard for yourself" Lucy's tone had sympathy and I didn't like being sympathized at. It was almost the same as getting pitied.

"Trust me on this Luce. She's happy. I'm happy. We both have moved on. It's all platonic now" Lucy dropped off the topic even though I wasn't that convincing. There's this saying that says you can never be just friends with the person you loved, well I'm gonna prove who said that wrong.

* * *

**Shoutout to Ianhalex! :) **


	9. Not platonic at all

-Ashley's POV-

_Does the sun promise to shine?_

_No, but it will,_

_Even behind the darkest clouds it will._

_And no promise will make it shine longer or brighter,_

_For that is its fate,_

_To burn until it can burn no more._

_So, to love you is not my promise,_

_It is my fate,_

_To burn until I can burn no more._

_-Atticus_

I read the words inside the framed paper displayed on my room in the cabin. _Why did I even agree to this? Oh right I am trying to prove that I can be just friends with Shay._ I heard a knock on my door and soon Shay poked her head in.

"Get inside buttface!" She opened the door wide open and stood there with her hands on her hips.

"So what do you say? Do you like it?" She spun around making her floral patterned dress twirl and so does her silky smooth hair. I smiled at how beautiful she looked.

"You look beautiful. I like it" I said it in a manner I used to say to her before; slow, calm, and serious. I looked at her from head to toe pausing for a moment at her face.

"Good because I got you one too" The smile on my face disappeared and shock took its place. _Shannon and her surprises. _She dragged me by my wrist towards her room across mine. On her bed laid the dress almost the same as hers.

"Shay what-"

"Come on try it on!" Shay said in tone full of excitement that we would wear matching dresses. I didn't mind wearing a dress but I planned of wearing something like less floral-ish. Despite my inside protests I took the dress from the bed and brought it with me back to my room but before I could do so Shay called me out "You can change here. Drew's downstairs anyway"

"Okay can you just close the door then?" She obediently closed the door and I started taking of my clothes to change to the dress she had for me. My back was facing her but I could feel her staring at me. This was rather hard than awkward. I suddenly became insecure of myself even though I have been in lesser clothing in front of Shay before. I purposely dressed up slowly in order to see if Shay would watch me until I'm done. I didn't hear her move. I turned around quickly once I finished and I caught Shay's eyes fixated on a rather lower part of my body. She let out an awkward cough that made me smirk in return.

"You look good Ash" She complimented.

"Thanks" I replied. We were like teenagers crushing on each other. Funny thing is that we didn't actually have this stage before. We went straight to the comfortable stage. We didn't blush on each other's compliment. There was the 'crush' stage but it was different from this. New things aren't that bad right?

"Shay-Oh hey Ash" Drew came in through the door breaking our moment apart.

"Hey" Shay and I said in unison. They rented a cabin for the weekend and invited me to join in. I was hesitant at first but then I agreed to be the third wheel. Years ago Shay used to be mine and Ryan's third wheel and it was all fun every time until Shay and I started to feel something else. _Uh oh! What if….It's not possible Ash._

"I Just got a call from my producer. I'm really really sorry I have to go to see him today." He said putting his hand together.

"But we planned this long before" Shay complained. I know things like this make her disappointed especially when she has it planned ahead.

"I know baby but this is really important. You and Ashley can stay here and enjoy the rest of the weekend" My eyes widen in surprise for the second time this day. _What's with this couple and their surprises? _"Ash will you be okay with that?"

"Huh? Uh-Yeah sure if Shay still wants to stay" Shay was already pouting but she nodded yes.

"I promise I'll make it up to you." Drew cupped both of her cheeks and kissed her forehead. In my mind I was thinking that he should've kissed her pout away. Shay likes it better that way. Then I realized he isn't me and maybe the things Shay liked changed. Oh well.

Drew's packed his belongings to his car and soon Shay and I both bid him goodbye. I gave them time alone and so I walked back inside the cabin. I opened the cupboard to see what food they brought with us. There were sausages, ingredients for the good old 7 layer dip, bags of nachos, kebab ingredients and most importantly chocolates bars, mallows and graham crackers. Smores! I smiled wildly.

"Looks like you found the good stuff didn't you? There's a picnic basket under the counter in case you didn't see" Shay waltz towards me with a smile on her face. Her eyes gave away the disappointment in her deep inside.

"I did except for the basket." The cabin was filled with silence for a moment until I spoke again. "You okay buttah?"

"I'm fine Benzo" I raised my eyebrow clearly aware that she wasn't fine. "Really I am. Just a bit disappointed at him but I'm fine. Why won't I be? I get to spend the weekend with my best friend in this nice place" I recognized the honesty in her answer. This place was indeed beautiful. It was by the mountains and there was so much we could do. The serenity in this place was incomparable.

"So what do you want to do first?" She put her pointer finger under her chin and tilted her head to one side.

"How about we have a picnic under the forest canopy then we'll go canoeing before we come back here and prepare for dinner?" Looks like we already had a plan for the day. Shay was quite the planner between us two and as what I've always done before I agreed to her plans.

"Sounds like a good plan. Let's go?" she nodded. I took the picnic basket with me and soon we left.

* * *

"Ashley it's cold!" Shay whined as I splashed water on her. We're taking a quick dip on one of the hidden cove. Our picnic before this could've been romantic if we were a couple. I almost did imagine us like it but then I had to remind myself we aren't.

"It's a lagoon Shay the water's supposed to be cold. Stop-" before I could continue a splash of water went smacking in to my face and soon Shay burst in laughter.

"Stop what Ash?" She tilted her head to one side and smirked devilishly

"You'll pay for that Mitchell!" I warned her with my laughter threatening to burst out

"Oh really?" She teased back and soon we splashed each other with water. We were playing around with the water like kids. Shay tilts her head back in laughter. Little does she know I mentally recorded a video of her laughters. We were just like that for about 30 minutes before we went out of the water. The guide was patiently waiting for us on the dry land.

"Do you want to go now?" He politely asked us. I suddenly remembered the talk we had just a while ago when we were still on our way here.

"Yeah I think we'd go back to our cabin now" I say deciding for both me and Shay

"Already?" Shay protested but I just gave her the look I always give her when we were still together hoping that she would still concede with my choice. "Fine" I smiled victoriously.

When we got back to our cabin I told Shay to shower and change quickly and I will do the same after which we would be going out again. She didn't ask questions and followed what I said. Half an hour later we met up with the guide again and I asked him to take us to the sky chair.

"This will give us a nice aerial view of the place." I tried to explain to Shay. She looked like she was amazed and excited for it

"Nice call Ash!" She hurriedly grabbed my hand making my breath hitch. Hopefully she didn't notice. We lined up for our turn and Shay hasn't let go of my hand. Our fingers weren't intertwined but the mere fact that we were holding hands sent unnecessary butterflies to my stomach. I know I shouldn't be feeling this way. Our turn had finally come. We sat side by side on the sky chair. It was the same as the one Lucy and Ian were using when they had that scene of Aria and Ezra. The only time Shay let go of my hand was when she linked our arms together. I don't know if she knows what effect she's bringing on to me.

"It's beautiful" She says as she rests her head on my shoulder.

"It is" I say back but only I wasn't looking at the view but on her. I rested my head on top of hers and we both enjoyed the ride. It was already late afternoon and the view was perfect what made it more perfect is how comfortable we were together.

We were on our way back to our cabin when Shay told me she wanted to go to the boardwalk and I agreed. We watched as the sun was on the midst of setting. We didn't hold hands. We just stood there side by side taking the scenery in. The quote flashed back in my memory. The sun burns until it can burn no more. Out of the blue Shay slowly grabbed me to her and pressed our bodies together in a warm embrace. I closed my eyes and hugged her back.

"Does the sun promise to shine? No, but it will, Even behind the darkest clouds it will. And no promise will make it shine longer or brighter, for that is its fate, to burn until it can burn no more" She said the words slowly and I listened to her not missing a single word.

"So, to love you is not my promise, It is my fate, to burn until I can burn no more. - Atticus" I filled in. We didn't part. We stayed on each other's arms as the sun set. This meant so much to me but I don't know what this could change between us. "You remember"

"I never forgot" she replied. "I told you that. I will never forget" it was a fact. She once told me that before when we were out on a romantic surprise date she prepared. I hugged her even tighter before pulling away with a sigh.

"Dinner? I'm starved" I waved away the rush of emotions the moment had. I had to change the topic. I had to stop what was bound to happen next.

She shook her head before saying 'sure'. And so we went back to our cabin and started preparing dinner. I put the sausages and kebab ingredients on the skewers while she made the 7 layer dip and placed the ingredients of the smores on one tray. I started grilling the sausages and kebab and she started the bon fire. This was gonna be a good night with good food and some wine.

"Shannon that's like your 5th smore" I laughed as she placed another mallow by the fire.

"So? I'll just do extra time on the treadmill" I loved this side of Shay. She never deprived herself of good food. She enjoys eating a lot but then works harder the next time. She had chocolate smear on her face and it looked funny.

"What are you laughing at?" She asked with furrowed brows

"You have something on your face" I tried showing her where by touching the end of my own lip but then she kept wiping away the wrong part of her face. "Here let me" I reach out to her face wiping it clean and I felt my thumb lightly brushing the end of her lip. She smiled after thankfully while I whispered 'sorry'. She bit her lower lip and ducked down. I was about to say something when I noticed her mallow almost burnt. "You're burning your mallow"

"Oh! Jeez" she quickly removed it away and started making the smore

"Thank you for taking me with you Shay" She turned her head to me and smiled sweetly

"Thank you for making this vacation worthwhile Ash" She thanked me back. "The last time we went on a vacation things went downhill after that. I hope this time it won't"

A lot of things rushed to my mind. The last vacation we had was in New York when I surprised her. It was actually her birthday week when we had that vacation. To think it's almost a year to the day now. How could a year go by so fast?

"It won't" I simply said. I refilled our glasses with bubbly and took a sip of it. We enjoyed the comfortable silence between us and the stars above us. When a shooting star passed Shay squealed funnily.

"Let's make a wish" she said a little too excited. "Close your eyes and make a wish" I rolled my eyes and made a wish. My hopes weren't really up that would come true but what's a wish for right? When I opened my eyes to look at Shay she was already looking at me. We were seated on a different wooden outdoor chair but we were just inches apart. The suddenly slowed down. It seems like time had froze. She was staring at me and I was doing the same. My blue ones were focused on her brown eyes and there was nothing else that I could see. Her eyes broke contact only to look back at forth from my eyes to my lips. I know what she had in mind and I guess it was just the same as mine. I closed my eyes again and this time when I opened it I leaned in to kiss Shay…on her forehead.

"Good night Shannon" I stood up from my seat and got the water we prepared to put out the bon fire. "I'll be calling it a day. See you in the morning" I said before going inside the cabin.

Whoever said that you can't be just friends with someone you loved was freaking right. It can never be platonic, never will…not at all.


	10. End of an era

"_Shay what are we doing?" Ashley asks me but I pay no attention_

"_I don't know and I don't care" to keep her from talking further more I reattached my lips to hers._

* * *

-Shay's POV-

There were instances today that could have led me to kissing Ashley but she kept dodging it and I am unsure whether I am thankful or not. I love Drew but ever since Ashley and I had a do over as friends old sparks started to lit up. I know it is wrong for me feel this way especially with how well loved Drew makes me feel. I thought bringing her along as a third wheel would ease out my heart; that it would convince me that I am just overwhelmed of how close we are again but then we were left alone.

I watch her walk away to the cabin. I felt a familiar pinch in my heart. It was like that over again, her walking away on me. I poured the rest of the champagne on my flute and downed it in one chug. I have two choices, to follow her inside the cabin or stay here on the safe zone. I decided to choose the latter.

I stirred on the couch that I was sleeping in. I came in a little too late and just crashed on the couch. Aroma of brewed coffee and blueberry pancakes surrounded the cabin. At first it was a bit far and then it came closer and closer and…

"Shaaayyy" Ashley called out in a sing song manner. I opened my eyes and the first thing I saw was a plate of blueberry pancake just about an inch close to my face. No wonder the smell of it was too near. "I figured this was the best way to wake you up"

"Geez thanks Ash. How could I resist this?" I groan turning myself to the other side. I was yet too tired.

"Come one Shannon wakey wakey" I let out a sigh before shifting my position so I was now sitting down. She sat beside me and handed me the plate. "Good girl. Here you go" The pancake had whipped cream on top that formed a smiling face. It reminded me of how she always makes that when we were still together. She once told me that she does it so I could start my day with a smile.

"Thanks babe" I gave her a kiss on the cheek. She was startled of what I did. It might have been the endearment or the quick peck. "This is good" I say after taking a bite. She still didn't move. "Ashley?"

"I'm going to shower now" She said before walking fast towards the stairs. I couldn't figure out if she was flushed or mad at me.

"Ashley" I called her out so I could apologize if what I did made her uncomfortable but she was gone already.

I had waited for her on the couch with my hands pressed together. I didn't mean to make her feel bad or something. I felt the need to explain myself to her but when she came down she already had a huge smile on her face like she didn't runaway merely a quarter of an hour ago. I did nothing but stare at her.

"Take a bath Shannon you stink!" She teased.

"Whatever Benzo!" I stood up from where I was seated and decided to let it go.

* * *

-Ashley's POV-

I repeatedly chanted 'calm down Ashley' inside the bathroom to stop myself from freaking out. Shay kissed me on the cheek and the feeling of her lips on my skin burns. All she's doing makes it hard for me to ignore all the unwanted emotions inside of me. She must've noticed how uncomfortable I was because when I came downstairs she had this 'I-am-currently-judging-you' look on her. Of course I had to be my bubbly self if I don't want to put more tension between us.

We left as soon as Shay was done prepping up. We were planning on going for a nature trail this morning before lunch then a little more stroll before we go back to the city. Shay had her black Nike trail kiger ¾ trousers that showed off her bottom assets and her open half zip top with black sports top underneath which also gave a perfect view of her curves.

"Benson!" Shay said to almost a shout bringing back my attention to the current situation

"Huh?" We both couldn't stop our laughter. I was caught right handed checking her out. My face for sure was burning red by now. _Way to embarrass yourself Ashley._

"The guide was asking if we could go on now" She and our trail guide were looking at me for approval and I just nodded my head yes.

I was only good enough for 30 minutes and after which I already wanted to go back. Shay was more of an outdoor person than me.

"Can't I just go back?" I was out of breath while Shay on the other hand was still so bubbly.

"We're halfway there Ash. Don't be such a baby" She said like trailing wasn't such of a big deal. I rolled my eyes and continued walking. A few more minutes later I decided to give it a rest.

"Okay that's it. I'm resting. You go ahead I'll just catch up" I say sitting down on a boulder.

"Come on. We're almost there" Shay convinces me.

"No. I'll catch up" I don't mean to be grumpy but I was really exhausted. We should've done something less stressful. Shay asked one last time if I was sure to which I assured her I was before she resumed walking.

"Aaahh! Ashley!" My peaceful rest was disturbed when I heard Shay scream. I rushed to where her voice came from in a matter of seconds.

"Shay are you okay?" She was already seated on the ground with her left foot straightened on the ground and the guide holding it.

"She had a bad fall from there" the guide was to the one to reply. Shay's face showed so much pain. I look over to where she fell. It wasn't that high. It was a big boulder I passed by just a minute ago without delay.

"Why?" It seemed like a crazy question taking in the situation on hand but I was utterly curious why she fell.

"I tried to jump from that boulder to that and underestimated the distance. Now will you help or not?" I just pursed my lips together suppressing my laughter at Shay's failed stunt. "Don't make fun of this Benzo" I raised my hand in surrender.

The guide checked Shay's ankle and said that she only has sprain and no further major injury. He removed her shoe and socks and handed it to me. He then carried her on his back and said decided for us to head back. When we got back to our cabin he iced her ankle and wrapped and elastic bandage around it. I insisted for Shay to be taken to the hospital for medical attention. She tried to object but I was persistent. With second thoughts I called Drew when we got to the hospital.

"I'm looking for Shay Mitchell" Drew arrived an hour later. The doctor had already given Shay pain relievers and instructions for the next few days. She was sleeping and we were just waiting for her to be cleared.

"Drew!" I called out to him.

"How is she?" As if on cue a nurse went to us bringing a small pile of papers with her

"Family of Shannon Mitchell?" Both I and Drew turned to her.

"I'm not family but I'm her boyfriend" Drew said before I could say anything.

"Her x-ray results came back okay. The doctor said she could go home. I just need you to sign this" The nurse gave Drew the papers he had to sign. And that's when it dawned to me where I stood. I'm just her best friend now. The nurse said thanks before leaving me and Drew.

"You take her home. I have to get back to our stuff at the cabin" I say dejectedly hoping Drew didn't catch my tone.

"Don't you want to see her first?" He was always too kind which made my heart ache more. He loves Shay and my unrequited love for Shay might not be unrequited at all and it's not fair for him.

"I'll see her soon. She would want to see you though" He nodded and I smiled before I left.

* * *

-Shay's POV-

I was awakened by Drew but Ashley wasn't around anymore. He told me that she had left just minutes ago to get back to our stuff. I loved how he drove all the way up here to take care of me but then a part of my heart wishes Ashley was here instead of him. I know I'm not being fair to him but I can't stop it. It's not like what I'm feeling could go somewhere further.

"Babe you ready to go?" I nodded and soon we left.

Hours later Ashley came knocking on my door with my stuff with her. She looked exhausted but once I got a glimpse of her eyes I knew it was something else.

"I got everything for you. How are you feeling" I didn't answer her. I just stared at her eyes wanting to take away whatever was burdening her. "Shay?"

"Stay" she looked at me confused. "Stay" I repeated what I said. I grabbed her hand and slowly pulled her inside the house. Michaela was out for the night and had no idea that I was home already.

"Shay…" Her words are close to a whisper. I used both my hands to cup her face. Her blue eyes were too weak than usual. Before anything else could bring me back to my senses I captured her lips with mine. She was unresponsive…not at first. I didn't pull back. I waited until she slowly, cautiously move her lips with mine. We were kissing. After a long time of depriving ourselves of this wonderful feeling, we were now kissing each other.

"Shay what are we doing?" Ashley asks me but I pay no attention

"I don't know and I don't care" to keep her from talking further more I reattached my lips to hers. With me barely able to stand without support our bodies crashed on the couch with her seated beneath me and I was on top straddling her. Her hands trailed on my chest with familiarity. Hot kisses from her peppered my neck. My hands roamed on her back underneath her shirt.

"I don't want to make to make a mistake" she breathlessly said. I nibbled her neck in response and she wasn't able to hold back her moan in return. I took off my shirt and went back on kissing her lips, aggressively this time. My hands crept on the insides of her thigh. "Shannon" She whimpers my name making me crave her more. She pull me in closer to her body as if I wasn't close enough already. As I started to slip my hand on the waistband of her jeans she held it. "Don't" I ignored her and went on. "Shay no" I silenced her with my lips but pulled my hand away to cup her cheeks once more. With one last lingering kiss I pulled away. And when we pulled away her eyes were still closed as if she was on some hypnotic trance. I leaned my forehead and hers as her eyes slowly opens. Now those blue eyes were glowing for some reason and maybe, just maybe the reason was me.

"You don't have to say anything. I just want you to be okay" We were alone but I was whispering.

"If I'm with you I am" she whispered back. I kissed her forehead before moving off her. "You know what happened says a lot right? It changes everything"

"I know" Kissing her tonight was like the end of an era that had lasted all my life.


	11. Happy Birthday

-Shay's POV-

Have you ever felt torn between two people you love? It was like choosing between your two most favorite flavors of pizza. Lucky enough with pizza you could just order half of each in one but in life it wasn't like that. Since the night that Ashley and I kissed we started to sneak around to have our own little moments. We don't really kiss and make out we simply sit beside each other and talk. There are times that we cuddle or hold hands. There were quick kisses but as hard as it is to believe, we haven't made out since that night. We prefer the comfort of each other's presence than the pleasure of doing those acts.

She never asked me, not even once, to choose between her and Drew. She must've been scared to ask or she just doesn't want me to. I glad that she doesn't though. I know I'm being unfair to Drew. Some would see this as infidelity and I'm not proud of it, not even one bit. Each time I try to tell him I feel bad. It's even harder when I see the looks on his eyes, not because he looks at me lovingly like the only person here on earth but because I still get lost in them. My character Emily Fields must have rubbed on too much on me because now I am facing the problem she once encountered and Drew and Ashley were Paige and Alison.

"What's on your mind?" Ashley asks me.

"I'm sorry for being so indecisive" She brushes her hands on my arm up and down

"I told you, take your time. Don't force yourself to anything." I sighed. It's been almost a month and I hate doing this behind Drew's back and it wasn't fair to Ashley too. We didn't commit ourselves to each other but it already felt like Ashley did. Whatever my decision will be I would still hurt one or both of them. "What's yours and Drew's plan for your birthday?"

"We won't be together during my birthday. He has to film in Atlanta." The thought actually made me sad.

"Well then you're all mine on that special day" Ashley smiled proudly. From her looks it seemed like she already had a plan.

"Okay what do you have in mind?" I hope it wasn't some cracked up plan, Ashley was always best with that.

"I'm taking you to New York. And before you ask anything, I chose New York because I want us to overwrite old memories. Let's make happier ones" I thought hard about it.

"What if we get seen by the paparazzi? You okay with that?" It was for sure that if we were seen out on a trip articles of us getting back together would come out.

"Best friends could take trips out of town if they want to. I'd ask Drew's permission if you want" There was no turning down in Ashley's plan I guess.

"You don't need to do that. He'll be fine with it. I'll be the one to tell him. Thanks Ash" I finally give in. One of the crew knocked on the door and told us we had 15 minutes before we resume filming. We went out of Ashley's trailer and went to hair and make up for retouch. It was like a routine. If Drew was not around I'm with Ashley if he was I'm with him on my trailer.

* * *

Ashley and I left for New York on the afternoon of the day before my birthday. I was excited of the things she had planned. After settling down inside our hotel room, I was only given 30 minutes by Ashley to prepare before we start our night. We had chosen rooms that had connecting doors so we could accessibly go to each other's rooms.

She had already told me that we were going to welcome my birthday on its eve. So I was expecting to have a long night tonight. We were taken to a downtown heliport for the start of our adventure. The helicopter was absolutely luxurious. We boarded it to see the Manhattan skyline at sunset. Our pilot had shared some fascinating facts of the sites we passed by. We went over the Brooklyn bridge, the Statue of Liberty, the Hudson river, central park and the iconic Empire State Building. The flight also offered vistas of other Manhattan landmarks including the Chrysler Building, World Financial Center, Chelsea Piers, Time Warner Center and Ground Zero, as well as New Jersey attractions such as the Goldman Sachs Tower, Colgate Clock and Liberty State Park.

After the 15-minute helicopter ride we were escorted on a short walk towards the pier where we went aboard the water taxi that was solely reserved for us. Dinner had awaited us on our New York Harbor cruise. We were delighted with the captivating views of the Manhattan skyline in the waters and cruised under the Brooklyn Bridge. We were given complimentary glasses of champagne and so we toasted it as we passed by the Statue of Liberty. It was very romantic of Ashley.

"I want you to have this" Ashley brought out a folded paper out of her purse. The paper was of vintage design. I opened the letter and saw Ashley's neat handwriting. "Read it" she said.

"Tonight of most nights I have loved you most. I have always imagined the ending that I want and that clearly is you. I want you in every step I take as I journey in life. It does not matter where. I will jump off a cliff, no matter how high, as long as you are there holding my hand. Wherever I go, I will never be afraid of taking big steps because I know you are with me in my heart. There will be nights we'll be together and days where you'll wake up by my side and in those times I want you to know I love you…" I read her letter and the last part which struck me most was spoken by her

"And in those mornings that you wake up without me I want you to never forget that those are the times I love you even more." She finishes with a smile.

"I-It's…I don't know what to say. Thank you. Thank you for loving me Ashley" Emotions were rushing in all of me.

After nearly 2 hours our tour has come to an end and we were transported back to Times Square. With arms linked together we took a stroll on the streets dropping by each store that catches our interest. Our feet had taken us to the Empire State Building so we decided to go to the observation deck since we were already there. It was already close to midnight when we got there which was a perfect time for a more private setting. She had bought tickets for both the main and top deck. We took the tour as if it was our first time having it. We wanted to overwrite memories and here we are doing it. By the time we reached the top deck it was exactly midnight. The view was perfect, the timing was perfect, and the person I was with was perfect.

"Happy Birthday Shannon!" she said giving me a kiss on the cheek.

"Thank you Ash" I kissed her cheek back. Silence passed between us. We enjoyed the spectacular scene upon us.

We decided to retire to our hotel room after our visit to the Empire State building. We still had a day's worth plan for tomorrow so we didn't want to stay up all night.

"I can't stop thanking you for tonight Ash. Really." I said as I stand in front of the door that was connecting both our rooms.

"I just wanted to give you the best Shay because you deserve it." She comes closer to me and pulls me in for a hug. I enjoy the warmth she gives to me and hugs back tighter. She pulls away only to kiss my forehead. Our eyes meet and her eyes were so tempting. She just stares at me and brushes the loose strand of hair on my face. She smirks at me before kissing me on my lips. It started off real slow. She pushes me further to the door and my back meets the cold wooden door. Her hands capture my face and I lean towards her palm. I traced her lips with my tongue but she's the one who deepens the kiss she explored my mouth with her tongue. My insides felt like being ignited and that there was a fire in me that wasn't going to die down anytime soon. My hand soon travels on her back moving it up and down going inside her shirt. She smiles in between the kiss and it makes my heart leap with joy also making me smile. I playfully bit her earning a musical moan. Her hands move from my face to both of my sides by my waist. She holds me firmly pressed on her as she gently moved backward towards her bed without breaking the kiss. When she finally feels the edge of the bed she flipped our positions and guides me downwards to sit on the bed. She looks at me eye to eye as I sit down. Her eyes were glimmering with now a darker shade. She lowered herself so I was now looking down on her.

"I remember that look you're giving me right now. Remember the first time we saw each other" I tell her. Her thumb traces the outline of my lips. While mine plays with her cheeks. "You had that very look in your eyes. You looked at me like I was the most beautiful thing you've ever seen on that day"

"You're the best thing that has ever happened to me in my whole existence" She says back before coming closer to me kissing me softly on my forehead, on my nose and finally her lips landed on mine. "I remember the first time I kissed you. You had your eyes closed for a long time."

"And I wish you would kiss me again" she came closer to kiss me on the lips again.

"I just can't dare not to kiss you again" we both smiled and leaned our foreheads together. "Then I remember telling you I love you for the first time and you asked me if I was drunk. I was so scared how you'd react."

"I didn't know what to say back then but now I do" I cupped her face with my hands

"Really?" she teased coming closer to kiss me on my neck "I love you so much" she whispered

"I love you just as much" I closed my eyes as I felt her lips coming closer to meet mine. She kissed me like she too was consumed by my fire. Slowly I lied down on the bed bringing her along with me on top. Now with courage from our profession of love, I pull her shirt up slowly. As each second passed more article of clothing had been tossed away. It was slow, it was passionate, it was love. Tonight, I know we were making love.

* * *

I woke up wearing nothing with Ashley's clothe less body pressed on my back and her hands on my torso holding me tightly. I closed my eyes again for a few seconds taking in the moment before turning around to face her. She was still asleep. Her face looked peaceful. I carefully pushed away the loose hair on her face. I caress her face with my hand before waking her up with a kiss. She slowly opened her eyes and smiled.

"Good morning." She greeted before pressing her lips back again and pulling away before I could deepen it. She got up and picked one of the robes given to us as commodities.

"Where are you going?" I whined at her. I already missed the warmth she was giving me.

"Just wait and see" she picked up her clothes from last night and dumped them beside her bag. She pulled out fresh clothes and went inside to shower. "You're not allowed to come inside" she said loudly before she closed the door. When I heard the clicking sound of the lock I gave up the attempt to come inside and just went back to sleep waiting for Ashley to get done.

I didn't notice how long I was asleep. Ashley wasn't around when I woke up. I went to my room to shower and change for today's events. Ashley had just arrived when I went back to her room.

"Where were…" whatever I had to say next was caught off guard when I saw Ashley.

"Who's birthday is it today? Oh it's my Shannon" she sang her own composition of my birthday song again just like what she did long ago. There already was a cake on her desk and with her were balloons corresponding to how old I was. With how many it looked like I felt so old. "Happy birthday!" she greeted cheerfully.

"Another surprise? I feel so loved. Thank you" I approached her and kissed her with love hoping it was enough to say thanks. She had let go of all the balloons and they all went up to the ceiling. She lit up the candle on top of the cake.

"Now make a wish" I thought for a moment that I already had what I wished for but then I realized something. I closed my eyes and wished before blowing all the fire away. "Happy birthday again" I hugged her tight thankful that she was here celebrating with me.

Just right after breakfast we started our day out. With intertwined hands we walked around central park with the many balloons she bought for me. When we finally found the right spot we let the balloons go together hoping for my birthday wish to come true. We went out all throughout the day. We held hands and stole kisses from each other. I couldn't even think of a single moment that I didn't have a smile on my face. For dinner she had taken me to our favorite pizza place in New York and ordered our favorite. This day was certainly one for the books. Although there was this scared feeling in my heart because the last time I felt this way, my heart shattered to pieces. I push the thought away because nothing can stop me right now. I am happy and nothing can change that. She wanted to go back to the hotel room early so after dinner we went back already. She intertwined our hands and held it tightly. It was just like she was afraid I'd go somewhere else, as if I would. Her steps were slow and I didn't mind. I was to open the door of my room but she stopped me.

"Shay, wait. I…love…you. I will always love you. You have with you my heart…forever. Don't ever forget to remember" she attached her lips to mine and rested her forehead to mine before she opened the door. Before I could even get a chance to recover from the magic of her kiss…

"Happy birthday Shay!" The waiting crowd inside my room surprises me.


	12. The heart wants what it wants

_"No matter what you're going through,** there's a light at the end of the tunnel** and it may seem hard to get to it but you can do it and just keep working towards it and you'll find the positive side of things."_

* * *

-Shay's POV-

"Shay, wait. I…love…you. I will always love you. You have with you my heart…forever. Don't ever forget to remember" she attached her lips to mine and rested her forehead to mine before she opened the door. Before I could even get a chance to recover from the magic of her kiss…

"Happy birthday Shay!" The waiting crowd inside my room surprises me. I get caught off guard of yet another surprise. I look at Ashley and she smiles at me widely. She then tilts her head to the side with cocking eyebrows. I turn to see who she was pointing at and to my further surprise; there Drew was standing with a smile. Ashley squeezes my hand reassuringly before going inside mingling with guests.

"Happy Birthday" He said as he arrived in front of me. I haven't taken a step since I saw him. I thought he forgot. I thought he was working.

"You're here" My voice was breaking. Tears were threatening to spill. I couldn't say I wasn't happy he was here because I am. What brings me to tears now is because I know I did something he's not worth. He brought me inside his arms.

"I am" He kissed me on my forehead before he held my hand and brought me inside. Close friends were there to celebrate with me; Lucy, Troian, Keegan. Ashley was fooling around with Keegan as Troian and Lucy were giving me their gifts. They also told me that Ian, Janel, Tyler and Sasha wanted to come but had committed to something else ahead of time. Since I already had an early dinner with Ashley I didn't bother picking out anything from the food and sashayed around, talking to each one and thanking them for coming.

Past hours of celebrating, somewhere close to eleven Ashley suddenly came to me and gave me a tight hug that could last a lifetime. I held her close seeing that this was the best way to thank her for all she's done. I know having Drew around tonight brings heavy emotions to her but she never makes it get to her. She pulls away without a word and goes back to the crowd turning back once to give me a smile and a nod. I didn't give it a meaning though.

"Hey birthday girl. Do you mind if I steal you for a while?" Drew comes behind my back whispering

"What?" I laughed at my cluelessness. He takes my hand in his and smiles. He takes me to the door and calls out everyone's attention.

"Hey guys. So uhh we just have to be somewhere right now. Thank you all for coming. Have a good night" Everyone gave him a nod and greeted me happy birthday once more and if I wasn't mistaken Norman and Marlene gave him a thumbs up.

"Where are we going?" I asked but he just smiled.

"You'll see" We both went inside a black sedan that drove us to the dock. We were escorted to a luxurious yacht.

* * *

"Welcome aboard. I will be your captain for tonight. Enjoy." The man who introduced himself as the captain shook our hands before going in ahead of us.

"After you" I stepped in inside with Drew coming after me. I looked around the interior which was totally mesmerizing. A crew guided us to the top deck. It was bordered with array of candle lights. I could see the view of New York from where we were. I close my eyes for a moment to enjoy the breeze of air brought by the sailing ship. Drew and I were given glasses of chardonnay.

"I hope you don't mind I took you here" Drew said placing his hand over my back all the way to my waist.

"Thank you. You didn't buy this or something right?" I joked around. I knew he didn't.

"No. That would be too expensive for me yet. It's my uncle's. The captain." I almost choked on my own drink. He has shared to me some info about his family members before but not this one.

"It was so generous of him" The ship came to a stop somewhere not too far from the dock.

"It was. I think we're at the perfect spot" He put down his glass and put both of his hands to his side pocket

"Spot for what?" Just right after I asked the question, fireworks lit up to the skies. Sparkles and lights filled the sky above us. Now I understood what he meant with perfect spot. The moment was so sublime and magical. On the middle of the pyro show Drew took the glass from my hand and settled it down to the side. He turned me to face him and took both of my hands with his. I stared at his eyes and I saw nothing but love. Guilt filled my spirit even more. If there was anything my show had taught me, it's that nothing good comes out with lies and secrets. "Drew I want to tell you something" It wasn't the perfect timing but I knew I had to. Before I could say anything else he kneeled down on one knee.

"I finally knew the reason why I was born, that is to love you and only you. Tonight I give to you the greatest thing I could give…and that is myself. Shannon Ashley, I give to you one thing that matters above all things to me, my life, in hopes that you share yours with me and start a life called ours. Shay, will you marry me?" The world suddenly came to a stop. I could not believe what was happening. I forgot about everything. All I could see are Drew's eyes full of love and hopes. He takes out a box which opened at the center revealing a beautiful ring.

"I-I don't know what to say" I felt like an idiot for not knowing what to say. It was a simple question that would alter my life forever.

"Please say yes" The slight tremble on his hands shows his nervousness. His light quirk of a smile in his mouth showed his excitement. I am bombarded with emotions, most of which is surprise and joy and needless to say, love. I leaned down and pressed our lips together.

"Yes" He inserted the ring to my finger and stood up connecting our lips again. More fireworks exploded to the sky.

"I love you" He said hugging me.

"I love you too" I hugged him back. The quick turnout of events had stirred up my mind but then I came into realization that I had forgotten something or someone rather. Ashley. Did she know? _'And in those mornings that you wake up without me I want you to never forget that those are the times I love you even more.'_ I remembered what Ashley had said. Some random thoughts came through my mind which I hope wasn't true.

"Shay. You were zoning out there" Drew pulled me back to reality

"Yeah. Just…in shock. What were you saying?" I didn't quite hear what he had said but I think I heard him say Ashley's name

"I said we have to thank Ashley. She helped me push things through" It all clicked to me now. Her weird behavior tonight, the melancholy in her letter, the last things she said before opening the door, the nod she gave to me after her last hug; she knew.

"She did didn't she" there was slight bitterness in my tone.

We stayed over the night at the yacht. Well I spent most of thinking why. Why would Ashley do what she did? My confusion piled up even more when it had sank to my mind that I agreed to Drew's marriage proposal. It was a spur of the moment decision. I was too overwhelmed so I accepted it but a part of me really wanted to accept it. _Why can't you just simply choose between the two of them Shay?_

It was early morning when we got back to the hotel. The room had already been cleaned out. There was no trace of the party from last night. One thing I noticed though were the stack of cards waiting on the edge of the bed. Someone's handwriting stood out among them. I picked up the card and read it. It only confirmed my suspicions of who it came from. Out of instinct I immediately opened the door leading to Ashley's room only to find that it was empty. None of Ashley's belongings were around. It was like she wasn't here at all.

"She left. She texted me an hour ago." Drew simply said. I sighed miserably. She did it again. I turned around to face Drew with tears already falling. I knew something bad was bound to happen. I had a vibe.

"I'm sorry. I'm really sorry." I chanted apologies to him. He approached me and wrapped his arms around me.

"Stop saying sorry Shay. It's alright. Look at me" he pulled back and lifted my chin so I could look at him "I don't want to hear what happened. I don't need to know what you've done. I still love you the same Shay. My love for you is greater than any mistake" I hugged him again sobbing hard. He still accepts me.

* * *

Going back to work was a little bit hard for me. Drew wasn't around today because he actually has to film in Atlanta, for real now. I expected to see Ashley around but I didn't. We had different schedules for the day as what I've found out. It was like fate was really stirring our course so our paths wouldn't cross. After finally getting a window of opportunity to take a break I went by Ashley's trailer but not to my luck she wasn't there.

"Best wishes Shay and belated happy birthday" Tyler greeted me as I closed Ashley's door. "Looking for someone?"

"Thanks. I'm looking for Ashley. Haven't seen her today" I said with a dramatic sigh.

"She's not here. She was, earlier this morning but she left already" I bit my lip and thanked Tyler for the information.

The day rolled and I have lost count on how many call attempts I had at Ashley. Attempts because I never really did call her. Instead I sent her text messages asking where she was and that we needed to talk. I was actually terrified to talk to her; more like I was afraid of what might come out after we talk.

I was walking towards the parking lot when I noticed the pink PLL golf car parked on an unusual spot. There could only be two people who keep sneaking it out, Tyler or Ashley. And there they both were inside the cart laughing. Tyler was at the driver's seat. Without thinking I walked furiously towards them. Their laughter stopped when they noticed me. I could notice them both especially Tyler growing pale. He got out of the cart and met me almost halfway

"You lied" I say with deep anger on my voice. My eyes were focused on Ashley who was still inside but I was talking to Tyler or maybe both.

"Shay I'm sorry" He looked back and forth between Ashley and me.

"Move" he raised his in surrender and stepped aside. I hopped in inside the cart and turned the engine on driving away. I didn't care where I was headed or what I was doing. I know we'd be in trouble for using the PLL cart for our own comfort and not for work but who cares now. I had quite a reputation in driving but Ashley doesn't flinch in all the turns and bumps. I ended up driving to our location of Noel/Ezra's Cabin, the one which had a manmade lake nearby.

"Why? Tell me Ashley why? You knew. You knew he was going to do it, why throw in all efforts of what you did? Tell me!" I don't mean to yell but I couldn't control my anger anymore.

"He called me up. He asked for my help for your birthday surprise. He came up with the idea. I helped because I wanted to do something special for you and then he asked for one more favor. He asked my help to pick out a ring. I understood then. That he was going to propose. I asked him directly and he confirmed and told me that I could stop helping him if I wasn't okay but I kept going. I helped him do one thing I failed to do before." She got out of the cart and paced back and forth face drenched in tears. "My task was just to stall you for the day so they could set your room up. Taking you out the night before was out of the plan. I just wanted one last night. One last intimate moment. One last chance to hug you and hold your hand that way. One final kiss. I needed that for myself."

"Didn't you think if what I needed? You brought me to a thousand feet and let me fall without my parachute on. Don't you think that your 'one last' thing didn't affect anything? It did Ashley." I hold her on both her shoulders

"Did you think it was easy for me? Seeing the fireworks on the window of my room knowing what was currently happening at that very moment? I couldn't let you see me. So I left earlier. My flight was set earlier than yours. You just didn't know" She shook my hand off away from her

"I could still call this engagement off. Just say one thing Ash and I will. I want you. My mind tells me no but my heart needs you" It all felt like a déjà vu. It was like we were back to my balcony again and her breaking up with me.

"Marry him Shay. Marry him" her voice was almost choked but she managed to say

"I love you" Here I go wishing that would stop her when I know it wouldn't

"And you love him too" I couldn't come with anything in reply because what she said was true. Is it even possible to love 2 people at the same time? "I don't want you to choose. You don't have to."

"So your making the choice for me? AGAIN? Ashley why can't you let me decide for myself. I'm a full grown woman capable of making decisions." She shook her head and came closer to me.

"Don't forget what I said in my letter." She pressed her lips on my forehead making it last a bit longer. She then went back to the cart and sat down waiting for me. I stared at her before sitting on the driver's side and walking away. I wasn't angry anymore. I was defeated.

I drove slowly, slowest in my record. Ashley suppressed her tears even though some of which had already fallen. We arrived at the lot with silence all throughout the whole drive. I looked at her one last time before getting out of the cart and walking away towards my car. This time she doesn't get to turn her back from me. I do. I was halfway from my car when I realized that no one had to walk away from the other. I jogged back to the cart and saw Ashley with her face on the palm of her hands crying.

"Ashley" she turned her head and looked up to me. We were both a mess. I wasted no time and went to her and forcefully kissed her. She didn't stop me. She kissed me back just as hard. It was rough, messy and nevertheless meaningful. When air became a need we pulled away staring at each other's eyes. We knew what message we wanted to convey to each other. A simple eye contact could do that. We went out together of the golf cart hand in hand. We kissed each other one more time before we turned together in different directions feeling our hands slipping away from each other. No one left the other behind…because we did it at the same time. I guess this was what's meant for us.

* * *

-Ashley's POV-

The tip of Shay's finger slipped from my grasp. I knew that right there was the end. I didn't dare look back at her and kept going. My car was parked on the opposite side of hers this morning so I could avoid her. I asked Tyler to stall Shay so I could easily slip away from her when she checked on me on my trailer. Despite my efforts our roads still crossed today. I told her the truth because she deserved it. I don't want to leave her again without telling her why. I just want to make it easier for her and being with me isn't the easy path. I reached my car with tears still nowhere near stopping. I couldn't see myself fit for now. I sat down with my back pressed on my car. I brought my knees closer to me and buried my face on them. I let all emotions out because I know tomorrow I have to be strong. Tomorrow I had to put a façade for everyone to see. But right now, I had to cry.

Some would question my decision. Some would say I'm stupid for doing such. People can judge me for the things I do I don't care. Why did I give up the person I loved most? All I can say is that…it's a love thing.


	13. What if?

-Ashley's POV-

It's been a month after my encounter with Shay. I'm getting by but it's not that easy. Unlike before, it's hard to pretend now. Everyone could see the change in our dynamic but none chose to speak up. We maintained the professionalism between us but it's hard to hang around each other aside from work. We smile at each other, say polite hellos, eat lunch with the others but it's just that. In three weeks time we'll be wrapping up and then we'll just see each other during promotional events. _Just a few more torturous days Ashley._

My alarm blasts throughout the silent room, supposed to be waking me up, but then I haven't been sleeping at all. I haven't been sleeping for days, weeks, I don't know. The only times I could sleep is when I've had too much to drink and when I cry myself to sleep. Don't get me wrong, I'm not miserable, I'm just not okay. Thanks to all the products that could conceal the bags under my eyes, my exhaustion is barely even noticeable. I get up from my bed and ran my fingers through my hair. I could see olive and walter still sleeping soundly. They're the only companions I have now. I threw in my gym pants and some sweats after a quick shower. As I was walking downstairs the house seemed to spin around making me dizzy. I braced myself on the hand rails of the stairs. Just as fast as it happened it went off. Without much care I put my hair on a messy bun, wore my glasses and drove off to work.

"Benzo wait up!" I hear someone calling behind me, well not just someone, Shannon.

"H-Hey" I forced a weak smile as I turned around.

"I tried calling you last night but you didn't pick up" Shay said timidly

"I was sleeping like a log the whole day." _Lie. Big Lie. _"What did you need me for?" Truth was I put my phone on silent mode so no one could disturb me

"It was Michaela's birthday yesterday. I was going to ask for you to come over since I didn't get a chance to ask you personally" There was a hint of disappointment on Shay's voice which I would always notice at any point in time

"Oh yeah. She had invited a few days back and I told her I'll give her a call on the day and I forgot to call her yesterday. My bad. Can you send her my apologies please" Shay nodded lightly

"Can I bring you coffee to your room? We're a bit early" I tried to rake my brain for and excuse but then decided to give in since I haven't had coffee yet and I feel too tired to go to crafty

"Sure. Just get me the usual" I smiled genuinely and so we both walked inside with us heading to different ways.

"I'll meet you there in 5" Shay said before going. True to her words, Shay arrived exactly 5 minutes later. "Here you go. Your usual drink and an English muffin, soft and chewy, just how you like it"

"Uhh excuse me? I like it crispy but it just so happens every time I heat mine you put in yours and mine comes out soft and chewy while yours is crispy" we burst in fits of giggles as we recalled the instances

"Fine. Fine. Guilty as charged. Eat up" We stay in silence enjoying what we're having. I was about to say something to Shay but then I noticed her staring at me.

"Do I have something on my face?" I wiped away at random spots on my face for good measures. Shay brushes her hand on my cheeks and caresses her thumb on it.

"You like exhausted." She says with a sigh. "Ashley"

"I'm fine Shay. Really" I take her hand away afraid she might see more than what I want her to see

"Have you been taking care of yourself?" her voice started to rise which makes me snap

"What kind of question is that? Of course I am!" she shakes her head and I know she doesn't believe me. "Look I know you're concerned. Thank you. But I'm okay" or atleast trying to be. We fell silent again finishing our breakfast until someone came in knocking telling us we have to head for hair and makeup.

After getting rid of the trash we both went for hair and makeup but stopping by to change for our character's clothing. I felt nauseous for the second time today but after pausing on my tracks for a moment everything felt normal again. I ignored it and transformed myself into Hanna Marin while Shay changed into Emily Fields.

"You done? I'm going to hair and makeup now" I informed Shay not wanting to leave her without saying anything.

"Almost. I'll go with" I nodded at her and waited for the last touch ups of her costume. "Let's go?"

"Let's" As we were walking to the next room I feel my world spinning again only this time it felt nowhere near stopping and my vision suddenly comes to a blur. I grasp to the nearest thing or person, I don't clearly know right now, that I could grab hold on. I closed my eyes to feel stability but when I opened it again all I see is black and I feel my body sagging.

* * *

-Shay's POV-

I tried to be as civil as possible with Ashley. I admit I still feel something for her and our situation is complex as ever. It's obvious we can't jump back to how close we were but I still want something that's atleast close to it. So this morning when I saw her I took the opportunity to sit down and have breakfast with her. I couldn't help myself but stare at her and that's when I noticed the dark circles under her eyes like she hasn't been sleeping. _But she said she slept like a log yesterday._ I tried to ask her of her well being but she just kept pushing that she was fine when she clearly doesn't look fine. And clearly by now she isn't. We were walking to the hair and makeup room when she suddenly gripped hard on my arm. When I turn to ask her what was wrong, I saw her losing consciousness. My body response immediately to her rescue. I caught her just in time before she hits the ground.

"Ashley! Hey Ashley wake up. Benzo! Shit!" Thank God there was a crew member who just passed by. "Call some medics. Call 911. Do something." I tried my best not to panic but the paleness of Ashley's face just makes me lose my mind in not a good way.

"What happened?" The makeup artists approach us in a rush. My voice must've been too loud

"She passed out" I reply without looking at them. My attention was focused on a now unconscious Ashley. More people came rushing and they introduced themselves as first aiders. I didn't let go of Ashley, I didn't want to.

"Shay we need you to let go of Ashley. We need to bring her to the clinic" On ordinary days I might've laughed at the irony of what the medic had said but now it doesn't seem too funny.

I followed what I was told and observed them as they did their job. After putting Ashley on a stretcher, one they could've gotten from the props I don't know, they had carried her to the make shift clinic. It was just a small room similar to our dressing rooms that's only used when necessary. I followed after them. My heart feels like it's going to jump out of my chest real soon. I didn't get inside so I couldn't really hear what they were talking but one of them went out and told me that they were bringing Ashley to the hospital. I haven't been scared in my life as much as I am now.

* * *

"How is she?" I was staring at Ashley when Marlene went to her room and asked

"Still unconscious but she's better now. It had something to do with over fatigue and stress. They didn't tell me much since I'm not family." I wish I just said I was her fiancé or something but knowing that our break up was all over the news I couldn't really lie.

"Have you called her parents?" Marlene asks again

"I did. They're on their way" she nodded understandingly. I look at Ashley once again and sighed. She looked so fragile and helpless.

"She's going to be okay" I know Marlene was right but I just can't stop worrying

"I know" I tried to stop my emotional outburst but it was already too late. "I mean she just needs some rest right? She said she was taking care of herself but look at her. I should've noticed she wasn't feeling well. She's been looking tired for quite long and I should've done something about it but I didn't" I can't not blame myself because it is for sure what happened to us was taking toll on Ashley. This is all my fault.

"We should've done something Shay, not just you. Don't be so hard on yourself. She'll be fine" Marlene wraps her arm around my shoulder as we now both look at Ashley. "I'll call the girls and tell them everything's fine. They're just as worried. Do you want anything?"

"A bottle of water please" After a quick 'okay' Marlene left me alone inside Ashley's room. For the first time since Ashley was lying on her hospital bed I reached for her hand. It wasn't that much effort since I was already sitting on a chair beside her bedside. I was gently brushing my thumb on the back of her palm when I feel her stir in her position. I gave her a smile as soon as I saw her waking up I composed the thoughts I wanted to tell her but before I could do so, the door opened revealing her parents.

"How's my baby girl?" Mrs. Benson comes in calmly. I have told her over the phone that there was nothing to worry about. Ashley groaned in response like a child being disturbed from her sleep.

"She just woke up a minute ago before you came in" I informed them

"What happened?" Mr. Benson me and I could only shrug

"They couldn't say much aside from stress and over fatigue" Ashley's father nodded and excused himself to look for Ashley's doctor so he could talk to him himself.

"Haven't you been taking care of yourself?" Ashley's mom asked the very same question I had asked Ashley before all these happened.

"Mom I'm fine" Ashley says the same thing weakly with a slight tone of annoyance

"Well you wouldn't be in here if you were" her mom states as a matter of fact "When they allow you to discharge you'll go home with us at Anaheim."

"What? No! Mom I could take care of myself. Besides, I have work and the drive would take too long" Ashley countered

"Clearly you are taking care of yourself so well. You're not lying at a hospital. You did not pass out" her mom replies sarcastically and I could see Ashley rolling her eyes. Now I know where Ashley got her stubbornness.

"Whatever" Ashley pouts as she comes to terms with her defeat in the argument. "And what about your trip to Ireland?" She just doesn't give up without a fight

"We would have to reschedule. As simple as that" and before I could think about what I am saying, the words had exited my mouth

"I'll take care of her" two pair of eyes whipped at me.

"What? Shay no!" Ashley protests and I could almost see relief on her mom's face

"Why not? I could go over to your place and stay there until I know you're all better or you could stay in mine. That way me and Michaela could be there for you and your parents could pursue their trip. Win-win" Ashley's mouth opens but closes again.

"Sounds great honey. Are you sure about this?" Mrs. Benson smiles at me gratefully

"Absolutely" I reassure Ashley's mom and Ashley is still left speechless with how things turned out. As I noticed that my hand was still on Ashley's her mom did too and I quickly pulled my hand away like it was hot iron. Her mom smiled to herself then to me and I gave a shy smile in return. Oh I wish I don't look so flustered right now.

"I'll go see if your dad's still talking to the doctor. You girls entertain yourselves for a while" and with that I am again alone with a now awake Ashley. The room was covered with silence as our eyes look around everywhere except each other.

* * *

The silence of the room made Ashley's sigh sound louder.

"You didn't have to do that Shannon" she says dryly

"I know" I glance at her and see her playing with her hands. I reached out for her hand again and held it tight. "Ashley. Don't. Ever. Do. That. Again." My emotions were too piled up that I didn't know how to feel. My breathing was heavy as I tried to fight the tears away. "You scared me to death! Did you know that?" My voiced raised

"I'm sorry" she looked down and I felt guilty for raising my tone on her when I was in no place to do so

"No. I'M sorry. I should've noticed how tired you looked. I should've paid more attention on you. You're my best friend and I failed to take care of you. I'm sorry for causing you all the heartaches and troubles. I'm not just doing this for you Ash. I'm also doing it for myself because I will never forgive myself if anything bad happens to you." There were stray tears on my face and I wouldn't have noticed it if Ashley didn't wipe them away with her other hand

"I hate it when you cry, you know that" she cups my cheeks and forces out a smile

"And I hate the thought of losing you. I already lost enough of you. It would be unbearable if I totally lost you forever" If something happens to Ashley, something like…death, it would also be the death of me. Losing her as a lover already killed half of myself.

"You will never, ever, lose me. You are always here…and here" she had brought our laced hands on her forehead and to her chest, just atop her heart. Silence overcame us again but it wasn't awkward anymore. I looked at her at the same moment that she looks at me. Our eyes lock and I could the same feeling again. It was the same feeling I felt at the cabin. A never ending feeling of devotion and admiration for her. That very moment I wanted to kiss her, feel her lips again on mine, I would've…if Marlene and her parents just didn't break the moment by coming back inside her room.

Now, I'm glad that Ashley and I aren't those kind of friends who drifted apart after things got weird, then they meet in line in the grocery store and say polite hellos and pretend like they didn't know each other. Because in all normal circumstances what we have is weird and complicated and whatever. I'm just glad we're okay. While it's a good thing that we're okay I'm not sure if always having this 'romantic tension' between us is. I admit. I do feel something for her. I still love her. But then some things just have to remain on its course.

When I think about it now, maybe, just maybe, it was a good thing they came in. Who knows what could've happened if they didn't? But what if…what if we were wrong? I look at Ashley and observed her and then asked myself. _'What if we were really meant for each other? What if we weren't meant to follow the fate's course for us but explore our own? After all free will is a gift. What if we were supposed to write our destiny…but we just both got too tired for it.'_

What if.


	14. Dreams and Reality

-Shay's POV-

I dust off the frame that has a photo of us together. She had a wide grin on her face. She was silly like she always was. I miss that smile so bad. I sat down at the edge of the bed and took the picture frame along with me. I pulled the object to my chest and started to cry. It's been three months to the day and today's the first time I step foot on this room again. Everything around remains the same, including the frame I was hugging. People kept wondering why I stopped crying and it makes me wonder too why they care. So what if I chose to stop the tears from falling? Crying won't make it hurt less. Nothing could take away the pain. Even my two months away to Canada didn't help. I am broken. Nothing could fix me. I lost myself when I lost her. What makes it so devastating is that I had her, she came back to me, and then I lost her. We fought against it for months, I was with her, but we still lost the battle. Some would say we still won the war but no matter how they placed it, I still lost the love of my life. She's gone, Ashley's gone and she'll never be back.

Just when things between me and Ashley are finally okay another challenge came our way. A month after we got back together she passed out again and this time she was at her worst. She was sick, severely sick. The words still play on my head and I think it will never go away for some time.

* * *

"_How long do I have?" Ashley bravely asks her doctor_

"_I won't be giving you false hopes. With how fast your body is deteriorating I say you have about 6 months" I could see Ashley close her eyes and tears forming on its edge. My jaw clenches in anger._

"_Who are you to say that? Are you God?! 6 months? You're wrong. You must've missed something. Run tests on her again." I scream angrily with hints of desperation._

"_Shay please, calm down" I looked at Ashley disbelievingly. How could I calm down? How could she be this calm? Haven't she heard him? She must have noticed my distraught "If there's a time I would be needing you most, the time is now"_

"_I'm here for you. We're gonna fight your sickness. We will do this together. You will get better. You have to. Do you hear me? You have to get better Ash. Baby please I don't want to lose you" I held her hand so tight that it almost appeared white_

"_I won't give up on this. For you, for me, for us. I'll get better. I have you. I know I'll get better. I promise" I pulled Ashley in my arms and hugged her tight._

* * *

She had kept her promise. She went through medical procedures that were still applicable to her. There were days she was better and there were days she was in so much pain. In times of pain was she the most vulnerable but was the bravest at the same time. I moved in with her so I could take care of her better. Her sickness was only known to closest friends and family. She didn't want the media to know. There were nights I just stayed up watching her sleep. I wanted to make the most of my time with her knowing one day I would open up my eyes and she wouldn't. Sometimes I would blame God for doing this to us. Sometimes I would blame fate. At one point I blamed her for being sick. I was making a fool of myself. I just needed someone to blame.

No matter how long I had or how prepared I was for the day to come, I was still so terrified. Who wouldn't be? Each second I had with her mattered. So when she had a high fever and got so sick, sicker than she already is, and I took her to the hospital, I knew that would be the last time she would ever be in our home. I knew deep inside she wouldn't come home but I didn't lose hope. Days went by and she just laid there on the hospital bed with her eyes closed. She would wake up for a short time but then get too tired and sleep again. When we were left alone I would talk to her, tell her how much I loved her, she needed to know. Seeing her so fragile and broken and tired I would excuse myself to the washroom and cry. I swore to myself after the doctor had told us she only had 6 months to live that I won't ever let her see me cry. I had to be brave in front of her because she herself was so brave. Like a miracle she woke up one day and just felt so alive. She didn't felt tired. She constantly threw jokes and made us laugh. She became the Ashley who wasn't sick. All our PLL friends were there, cast and crew. Her family was there and so was mine. It would have been a perfect gathering-if only that day wasn't her last day.

* * *

"_Oh so what did I say to Shay when she came back from Japan?" Ashley had been making silly jokes for about an hour_

"_What?" Everyone around comically asked_

"_Hey Shannon, what TOKYO so long?" fits of laughter filled the room and for a moment we forgot that we were at the hospital. "Okay okay I've got another one"_

"_Not again!" I complained jokingly_

"_Come on don't be a pooper Shay" I rolled my eyes at her but laughed while doing so_

"_Fine. Hit it" The room went silent as we waited for Ashley's joke yet again_

"_What did I ask Shay when I showed her this" Ashley pulled out something under her pillow and opened it. Words left my mouth as soon as I saw it. _

"_Ash" I felt so overwhelmed and stunned_

"_Will you marry me?" I could only nod in response. She smiled at me and I leaned in to capture her lips with mine._

"_I love you. Yes" I finally said the words as she slipped the ring on my finger. Our lips reattached again for the second time. Everyone applauded with probably tears in their eyes._

"_Could you give us a minute please" She asked the people around and they nodded understandingly before they left also saying congratulations. When the door closed and we were alone she spoke again. "I wouldn't ask you not to love anyone else ever again but I would want you to not forget me. If someday someone comes along and makes you feel loved, accept them."_

"_Why are you saying those?" It seems quizzical that she proposed and now she's thinking about me with someone else._

"_Let's not lie to ourselves babe. I wouldn't last long. I'm tired. I just wanted to do the last thing I wasn't able to do. I proposed to you to show you that even on my last breaths I'd still breathe for you. That ring is a symbol of my love. You're the first and last person I've loved this much. I am privileged enough that I was loved but not just anyone but by you, Shannon Ashley Mitchell." I loved and hated the words I was hearing. I don't want to hear her saying goodbye._

"_I'll be loving you forever and even that wouldn't be long enough. I don't regret anything these past few months. It didn't matter if I had a year, a month, a week, a day, or even an hour because that was another year, another month, another week, another day with you. Even if I had one last hour with you I would grab it with both hands because I want to be with you. Please stay a little longer. Please." I begged her. I knew she was tired but I just want more time._

"_I'll stay as much as I still can." She gave my hand a light squeeze. "I, Ashley Victoria, take you Shannon Ashley, to have and to hold for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish until death do us part" her voice was weak she had said the words in full volume_

"_I, Shannon Ashley, take you Ashley Victoria, to have and to hold, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish until death do us part" I recited the same vows and kissed her to seal it._

"_I love you" she whispered_

"_I love you too" I said it back. She can't go without hearing me say it back._

"_I feel tired" I braced myself for what's bound to come._

"_Get some sleep babe. I'll still be here when you wake up" What I said could've been a lie. She might not wake up again. She closed her eyes gently and slept. I observed her fully before I went out to check on everyone. Apparently they were just outside standing._

"_She's asleep" I informed them with my voice almost breaking. The tone on my words carried on what I felt inside. Her sister approached me and brought me to her embrace while gently brushing my hair. I let all my tears out. I just sobbed and sobbed._

_When I felt composed again I went back inside her room. All of them were there already there except for me and Shaylene who was comforting me a while back. We stayed in silence for who knows how long. The drop of a pin could almost be heard._

"_Shay" Mrs. Benson approached me placing a hand on my shoulder. She gestured towards the machine that was connecting to Ashley. It was monitoring her vital signs and I noticed the obvious drop on it from the last time I looked at it. "It's been going on for a while. I think it's time" she sounded strong for a mother who was about to lose her child._

"_You can let go now baby. Go home and rest" I whispered on her ear before leaning pressing my lips on her lips one last time and leaving a kiss on her forehead. "I love you" I didn't let go of her hand that I was holding since I went back to her bedside. It was only a matter of minutes and she'll slip away. I could feel someone hugging me from the back and I couldn't dare take off my eyes on Ashley to see who it was. I feel Ashley squeezing my hand tight before she lost grip. I shut my eyes tight. She could go any second now. A sharp beeping sound from the machine echoed the room and in that moment I almost passed out. That was it. Roughly after 6 months of pain, Ashley had laid to rest._

* * *

I still wear the ring on my finger. I think I'll be wearing it forever. I wouldn't dare take it off. I shut everyone out the day after she died. I wanted to mourn her in private and everyone respected my decision. Fans all over the globe mourned too sending me condolences and words of encouragement that I only read after her funeral. I tried coming in alone inside our room but it strongly reminded me of her and I ran away the first time. The second time didn't hurt less but I didn't run away. I looked around the room and admired every piece of Ashley that I was reminded of in each and single item. I never came back after that. I stayed back on my house with Michaela. Her parents and sister would check on me and I always told them I was fine. When I felt that everything was too much, I went back to Canada. I didn't stay in my parents' house. I rented a lake house for myself. It was the only way I could recover, but it'll never be the same. I have a hole in my heart that's the size of Ashley.

I removed my shoes and lied down on Ashley's side of the bed. The pillow still smelled like her and I don't know how that's even possible. I hugged another pillow and took in her scent. With the picture frame on my side and the pillow I was hugging tight, I closed my eyes and whispered "Ashley" before I fell into slumber.

* * *

"Ashley" I mumble her name. My body felt hot and cold at the same time. My face was covered in sweat and I could guess some tears. I felt something warm and heavy on my torso. I felt alarmed when I saw that it was an arm draped over me. I turned around quickly only to find out it was Drew's. I forgot he stayed for the night since he was back in L.A for a few days. Cuddling with him brought warm to my body and heart but it felt too foreign at the same time too.

"Shay what's wrong? Bad dream?" He asked me worriedly. His green eyes piercing through my brown ones.

"I had a nightmare. A terrible one. It felt so real" he caressed my cheeks with his thumb.

"it was just a dream. Don't let it get to you. Come here" I snuggled closer to him and tried to go back to sleep but I couldn't. I guess I just have to try to get some sleep for hours until the sun rises.

It was a lot easier to sleep when Ashley stayed over for a week. The first night was a bit awkward I admit but the rest of the nights were better, best I must say.

* * *

_I could hear the noise of the bed from the baby monitor. Ashley was sleeping on the guest room and I was on my room. Don't get me wrong, I'm not paranoid or something, I just didn't want Ashley to stress herself out by moving around the house a lot, so I placed a baby monitor in her room for her convenience, which she strongly emphasized unnecessary. I moved up from my bed and begin my steps towards her room. Without knocking I entered and saw that she was on her side with her back turning away from the door._

"_I could hear your discomfort all over the monitor." I gently closed the door behind me and plumped myself on the bed beside her. Without giving much thought about it I draped my arm on her waist on brought myself closer to her. My front was firmly pressed on her back. Her body went tense upon contact but slowly relaxing as the second go by. She sighed loudly before shifting her body and now she was facing me._

"_I feel more relaxed now. Thanks" She pulled my arm and placed it under her head so she could rest her head on it and nuzzled herself to me. I flexed the arm she was her head was lying on so my hand could brush her hair. I used the arm I draped on her waist to pull her even closer to me. Her breathing became light and even within a few minutes and before I knew it I too fell asleep._

* * *

The rest of the nights that she was here I was with her on her bed. Michaela didn't say anything with regards to it. In fact she helped me bring Ashley to full recovery. Sometimes it was even torture to have your best friends under the same roof. They would team up and make fun of you, pull pranks on you and even sneak on your gummy bear stash. So when Ashley packed her stuff and went back to her own place, the house felt awfully quite and too big for me and Michaela and sometimes even Sammy.

I was on the kitchen cooking breakfast since I couldn't sleep, moving to the tune of Love on Top by Beyonce.

"Nothing's perfect, but it's worth it after fighting through my tears and finally you put me first" I sang and danced as I stirred the pan. I closed my eyes when the chorus came up and sang with all I had in me. Someone's hand rested on my waist and swayed with me. Slowly those hands slid forward fully wrapping my waist. A feathery kiss was placed on the exposed skin on the back of my neck. I leaned my head back resting on a muscular figure. I jumped slightly when I came to my senses.

"You seem jumpy babe" Drew pointed out

"Still bothered by my dream. Good morning" I turned my head to give him a quick peck before paying my attention back on the pan

"That smells good" He rested his chin on my shoulder.

"It'll be ready in a minute. Can you bring out the plates please?" he detached himself from me and did what I told him so. After eating what I cooked for us, Drew went upstairs to shower. I don't mean to be cold at him. It's just that something else keeps me preoccupied, or rather someone else.

"Morning Shay" Michaela greeted as she went downstairs

"Morning Kaela. Got some breakfast ready" She sat on the chair opposite of me and started placing food on her plate.

"Where's Drew?" she asked

"At the shower. He has a photo shoot today" she nodded and went on eating while I scrolled through my feed

"So what's bothering you?" she said out of the blue getting me caught off guard "And don't lie to me. I know something's on your mind"

"I had a bad dream and I can't stop thinking about Ashley." I confessed with all honesty

"When she was here and you were sleeping in her room I didn't say anything but that doesn't mean I don't have my questions." Knowing what she was implying I prepared the answer to her obvious incoming questions

"She couldn't sleep so the first night I came to her room to make her feel relaxed. The nights after just became a habit or something. Now I can't sleep well without her. I guess it's obvious what I feel for her" Michaela sighed loudly

"If you had a choice, will you still marry Drew or Ashley?" That was the hardest question I have ever encountered.

"I already have and made the choice. I'm marrying Drew remember?" she shook her head like almost I gave the wrong answer

"That's not what I meant. If he didn't propose, if Ashley didn't let you go. Who would it be?" I told her I refused to answer so she revised the question. "To make it easier for you because you claim so that you love them both equally, where do you see you and Drew 20 years from now?"

"Why does it matter?" I tried to dodge the question again

"Just answer it" she insisted

"Honestly, I don't know. Would it be weird if I am unsure of my future with him?" I could see myself marrying him. I could see us together in about 5 years but then there's nothing else but a cloud in my vision as I imagine us.

* * *

-Drew's POV-

"To make it easier for you because you claim so that you love them both equally, where do you see you and Drew 20 years from now?" Michaela asked Shay a million dollar question. I didn't mean to eavesdrop but I couldn't help but listen to their conversation.

"Why does it matter?" I know what Shay felt for Ashley but I was hoping that what she feels for me is enough.

"Just answer it" I wish Michaela didn't insist for Shay to answer. I am not ready to hear it but I felt the need to.

"Honestly, I don't know. Would it be weird if I am unsure of my future with him?" My world almost shattered when I heard Shay say those words. I am marrying a girl who doesn't see herself with me in the future. I think she knows what she wants she just doesn't know what she wants.

From where I was standing on the stairs I composed myself and put on a happy façade. I walked down and greeted Shay and Michaela by the table.

"What do you have in store for today Mikey? I heard there's a nice movie on theatres tonight" I subtly hinted for Michaela to spend the night out

"Does it come with a big bucket of pop corn?" I nodded my head yes and smiled "I'm bringing Sammy along."

"You're all mine for dinner then" I said to Shay. "It's on me" I winked before giving her a peck in the lips and saying goodbye to them. I hear her and Michaela say bye at once.

Once I left her house I rushed to my car and gripped the stirring wheel hard until my hand turned white. I couldn't stop the hot tears from falling. I must be a fool but then again who isn't a fool for love? I knew Shay loves me. She's in love with me, but she will never love me the way she loves Ashley. Their love is an unstoppable force and I am the object in between them. So that means I should move away. After all most people say that if you love someone you should set them free. I love Shay so much and the best way to show my love for her is not by marrying her, but by giving her the one thing she was deprived most of-her freedom.


	15. Soulmate

-Drew's POV-

I've made up my mind on my decision. My photo shoot finished early and I had more than enough time to prepare for my promised dinner to Shay. It was the last; I had to make it count. Shay's more of the kitchen person than me but I had to try my best. The hours went by too fast and I was only left with 20 minutes to prepare. I took a quick shower and changed clothing. Just in time after I lit up the candles on the table, Shay arrived.

"Welcome home" I opened the door for her and was welcomed with a kiss from her

"Wow" she took in the things I prepared "you really went over the top this time"

"I want to make this night a memorable one" I'm sure it would be. The smile on her face almost wanted me to back down but I knew that the only person that could make her smile best isn't me. "Shall we?" I escorted her to the dining table where our dinner waited for us.

"This looks good babe." She sat on her chair and I sat on mine that is opposite to hers. "I didn't forget anything did I? Because that would be extremely rude"

"No. I just wanted to do this." I smiled as I got a hold of her hand. Deep in my mind I thought that she actually did forgot something. She forgot how to be truly happy.

Dinner went on as normal as it could be. She complimented me for the food and it comes as a surprise to me that it actually tastes better than I expected it would. After putting the dishes away and cleaning up after ourselves, we opted to watch a movie. Shay wanted to just watch it upstairs on her room and I just obliged with her. We sat side by side on her bed with our backs pressed on the headboard. We didn't cuddle like we always do. Shay seemed to have notice how tense and uneasy I was. She took my hand and intertwined it with hers.

"You're awfully quite. What's wrong?" She asked me with deep concern. I breathe in and out deeply. _This is it._

"You know I love you right?" I asked her with a smile. She nodded and smiled back. "I had always admired you ever since before. I feel my heart skip a bit every time we share a scene together. That elevator scene was the most significant of all. I would look at you if I had chance and waited for you to smile, and I died on days that you didn't" tears weren't my thing but I couldn't fight it away. "I am 100% sure of marrying you Shay. I want to marry you so bad that I can't go through with it because it makes me sick that you have to compromise yourself for something you're not really 100% sure of."

"No. Drew why are you saying that? I love you" She insisted and wipes away my tears

"I know. I know you do…and I know you love her too. We could get married now and have few years of being happy together but then what? I don't want that one of us ends up cheating and then we break up."

"I'd never cheat on you" she says "well technically I did but I'm sure about this marriage"

"You know how much I've cried about this?" she ducked her head and shook it from side to side. She also had tears in her eyes and it hurts me to see her that way. "Not as much as you did. I never want to see you cry"

"I know where this is headed. Why do people keep deciding for me?" I shift my position so I could freely cup her face between my palms

"Baby if there's only one thing I want for you, I want you to be happy but that will never happen with me. If only I could." I brushed her tears away. "I love you but I have to surrender and let you go. Ashley is your soulmate" She sobbed harder and I pulled her to my chest.

"I love you" she whispers between her crying. I'm thankful enough that I got the chance to be loved and be in love with her. Being in a relationship with Shay was like a dream and now it's time to wake up to reality.

She detaches herself from me only to attach our lips together. Our lips move with passion, with tender caress, with love. There was taste of salty tears mixed with pain. Gently I rested Shay down with my on top of her. I wanted to take away her pain the best way I could. My kisses travelled to her collarbone, to the space below her earlobe, to her neck and then back to her lips. Tonight we'll make love for the last time. This is the last I would have of her. Our last kiss, our last hug, one last night for our bodies to unite as one…just one last. Every thrust is filled with emotion. It goes so slow, like a fire burning a piece of wood. The only sound you'd hear is the sound of our beating hearts that's about to part ways soon enough. The muffled tears silenced with kisses and our bodies' movements. It was sensual until the very end where my body reached the heavens and my being felt complete. I lay beside Shay, both of us out breath with tears long gone.

* * *

The moonlight reflects on her sleeping face that still has light sheet of sweat on. Never had I seen someone so beautiful. I took my time to admire her beauty because by the moment I step out of her door I would lose my chance of calling her mine. I carefully got off the bed so not to wake her up only to fail.

"Stay. Please." The sound of her voice was enough to convince me. The last time she said those words she was still left behind and I swore from the start I won't be like them. So I stayed. I wrapped my arms around her protectively keeping her safe and warm. I tried closing my eyes but my body wasn't up for sleeping. My mind was too preoccupied to rest. Shay eventually went back to sleep.

"I will always love you the most" I whispered before giving her a light kiss on her forehead.

* * *

-Shay's POV-

"I will always love you the most" I hear him whisper before kissing me on my forehead. I single tear fell on my eye. I just broke a good man's heart tonight. I might have been too obvious or he must've overheard my conversation with Michaela, bottomline is he set me free. It was actually for the best for both of us but I just couldn't bear the thought of bringing pain to him when all he's done is save me from the pain. He helped me move on, well at least get by the pain when I broke up with Ashley. He was always there for me. He saved me. Maybe now the best thing I could do is set him free too because he deserves to have someone better. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the last moments I had with Drew, because when I wake up tomorrow, I know he won't be here by my side.

* * *

I woke up the next day alone on my bed. _Just as I thought._ Today was the start of a new chapter in my life. I was single again but certainly only available to a certain blonde whom I don't know if we're getting back. I showered and changed to my workout clothes. As I was fixing my hair something on my finger caught my attention. _Our engagement ring._ I took it off and looked at my hand feeling a bit odd I put it back on only to remove it again. _Drew deserves to be happy Shay._ I opened one drawer and pulled out the box which held the ring before and placed it back. I planned to give it back to Drew after my work out. Angel greeted me warmly as I went downstairs. Michaela and Sammy were on to something on the couch of the living room.

"Morning" I greeted them casually and they greeted me back without even looking at me. I went on with my morning routine. As I was drinking my cleansing juice, Sammy approached me for my opinion on something.

"So what do you say?" I tilted my head from left to right and thought about it

"Yeah I guess that's good" she was about to walk away but she found sudden interest on my hand

"No ring?" I brushed the once spot of the said ring

"I took it off. Drew and I…we called the engagement off. He actually break it off with me, said Ashley was my soulmate. It was selfless of him" My voice sounded disappointed because I actually am sad

"He really did love you Shay but he's right. Ashley is your soulmate" Michaela who was standing on the background joined in

"Yeah. For the most part he gets to find his soulmate and not settle down with someone who makes fun of my accent" Sammy lightened the mood knowing if she wouldn't I would eventually start crying. I'm such a cry baby.

* * *

When I got to Drew's apartment he was loading his bags on the trunk of the airport service's car.

"You're leaving?" I asked quite surprised

"Hey. They asked if I could fly back earlier to Atlanta and I said yes" he looked tired and heart broken

"I came by to give this back to you." I gave him the box that has the ring he gave for me. "Give this to someone else who deserves this" He took the box from me and smiled

"You deserved it Shay just maybe not in this lifetime" I nodded understandably. Honestly, if Ashley wasn't on the picture I would have stayed with Drew.

"Thank you" I went to him and hugged him tight. "and I did love you too" I gave him one last kiss on the cheek and pulled away.

"Take care Shannon" If there's one thing I'm also thankful for is that he and I didn't end it on bad terms. He's one friend I'm glad I could keep. "What are you waiting for? Go get your girl"

"Well for one I'm not sure if she'll take me back. She let me go just so you know" I went along with him

"She'll be a fool if she won't" he threw in his smirk

"If she won't can you just take me back? I feel so rejected" I giggled as he laughed.

"Whatever. Just don't let what I did be for nothing. She is your soulmate" he reminded me again.

"I won't. Now off you go" We gave each other one last embrace before he went inside the car headed to the airport. _There's one last thing to do now._

* * *

-Ashley's POV-

I was on my parent's house's backyard waiting for the food to be ready. My mom wanted to have a barbecue day so I went back to my childhood home to share the day with my family.

"Ashley honey can you go get the orange juice on the fridge?" My mom asked me and I did what I was told to do. I was on my way back when my phone beeped. When I unlocked it there appeared a text message from Shay.

'**From Shay M.: WE NEED TO TALK' **I wonder why all of a sudden Shay would text me that. I knew I didn't do something that I might have upset her.

"Ashley what's taking you so long?" I hear my mother shout from outside

"Coming" I shout back. I closed my phone and decided to reply later but before I could reach the door leading to our backyard my phone beeped again

'**From Shay M.: Drew and I broke up' **I feel the air suck out of my lungs. The pitcher almost slipped from my hand if my sister wasn't able to hold it on time. They broke up. Shay and Drew. Shay. _Oh shit._


	16. The heart got what it wants

-Shay's POV-

I patiently waited for hear something back from Ashley but a person can I only take so much so I drove to her house and found it empty. She wasn't there. I really need to see her at that very moment. I feel like if I don't get to talk to her I would explode. We've wasted too much time and I can't let a few hours more add up to it. I didn't prepare for anything to say to her. I'll say what goes on my mind the moment I finally get to see her that is if my actions wouldn't take over me.

I was so defeated when her phone was unreachable. I don't know if she's avoiding me or if her phone died or if the earth had swallowed her. The only dead thing I know is my patience. Bring Angel along with me I drove off to her parents' house hoping to find her there. My heart sped us as I grew closer. The sound of my heartbeat was louder than the sound of the door bell. I rang it the second time and soon enough I hear footsteps coming closer.

"Shay?" Shaylene, Ashley's sister opened the door and was of course surprised by my visit.

"Hey Shay. I was trying my luck to find Ashley here" I fiddled with my hands while Angel sat lazily beside me on the doorstep.

"Come in. Angel right? She's so cute" Shaylene gave way for me and Angel to get inside. She's a well behaved dog who just misbehaves sometimes. "Ashley someone's looking for you" I hear her say as she continues to walk towards their backyard. My eyes widen as I saw Ryan Good with her and her family. _I was too late._

* * *

-Ashley's POV-

I stood up to meet my sister halfway. She said someone was looking for me, turns out that someone was Shay. I haven't responded to her messages yet because my phone went nuts and hanged up. I just didn't put much weight to it since we could talk later and by that time I had sorted things out on my mind but Shay had drove all the way here and all the time I was stalling was gone. From the sheepish look she has, her eyes grew wide and she suddenly looked in pain. It all then click to me that Ryan was here. Ryan as in the boyfriend I had before her.

"Hey" I found my voice to speak up first. My sister went back outside taking Angel with her. Shay's dog doesn't mind other people. She was as friendly as her mommy.

"Hey" it came out so little that it almost seemed like it was forced

"I wasn't expecting you to come here" I told her honestly

"So did I. It was spur of the moment and I guess shouldn't have at all" she whispered the last words but it was audible enough for me to hear it. "I think I should just go"

"No. Stay" I stopped her immediately. I realized in that instant that that was the first time I actually told her to stay because as much as I hate it, I always walk away from her.

"Did you get my messages?" I nodded in response. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"I don't know what to say. I love you, you know that, but I can't let break someone else's heart. I'd rather get my heart broken" Drew was a great guy and he didn't deserve all these complications

"Don't you think I don't want that too? He was a lot of things to me. He was there as a friend, as a lover, he's the best guy a girl could want but he's the one who broke it off with me. He said you are my soulmate" What Shay said came as a shock for me

"Then get back together with him. Tell him you love him and that you're choosing him" Words come out of my mouth before I could really think them through

"You're so stupid you know that? Drew gave me up because he knew he was breaking 3 hearts at once if we force ourselves in marriage. He knew I would always love you more and you're an idiot who kept pushing me away." Shay snapped. "Don't you get it? I'm here because I want you."

"Shay I-" before I could even continue she cut me off

"You're not into me anymore? You're sorry? You're going to reject me? What Ashley? It makes me ask what's wrong with me. Why do people keep on rejecting me?" I hate it most if she felt insecure of herself. I stepped closer and placed my hand on her arm

"Hey. Nothing's wrong with you, okay? You're an independent woman whose beautiful inside and out. You're the closest thing to perfection that I know." I soothe her out

"Then why are you pushing me away? There's one thing I want you to do that you never did for me Ash, I want you to fight for me." Again, before I could say anything I was cut short this time by Ryan.

"Is everything okay?" He says as he walks towards where Shay and I were standing.

"Is it because of him?" Shay asks accusingly. I don't even know what she means. "Is he the reason why you don't want me anymore?"

"What?" Ryan and I said in unison

"Ryan please" she cut the distance between them and kneeled down but thankfully Ryan was able to stop her before her knees hit the ground "I'm begging you. You can have anyone you want. Please, Ashley's all I have. Please"

"I'm…uhh" Ryan lost his words. Truth is we weren't back together. He was just here as my parents' guest. He has grown close to my parents and they too thought of him as their own.

"I got her Ry." I pulled the now sobbing Shay to our living room so she we could sit and I could talk to her properly. "Look at me. I'm thankful for how selfless Drew was. I could imagine how hard it was for him. I love you Shannon and I want to make things right between us"

"But?" she says dejectedly

"But nothing. I want to make it up to you. Things just…it didn't sink in instantly. Drew's right, I am your soulmate and you are mine." Her face scrunched like she was confused but what I said was enough for her to stop crying.

"So…does that mean…are we…" Oh she still doesn't get it doesn't she?

"Will you take me back Shannon Ashley Mitchell?" Her frown turned upside down and her face showed the brightest smile that could lit up a room

"I was practically begging for you to take me back but yes I will take you back Ashley Victoria and would never ever dream of letting you go again." I crashed our lips together and my world felt right. She pulled away briefly "What about Ryan?"

"We're not together. He's with someone alright and I could introduce you to her outside but I'd rather you kiss me instead" she shook her head

"I could meet her later" She connected our kiss again for a loving kiss that I would never get tired of.

* * *

**…several weeks later…**

-Shay's POV-

Getting back with Ashley was like a second chance out of all the second chances. We're taking slow steps together. We're getting to know more of each other as we spend time together. We're still patching things up so we try our best to keep the pace of our relationship in moderation. We don't want to jump back to where we ended because we want to start over like a real do over.

The PLL movie had wrapped up just yesterday and now I was lazily rolling over Ashley's bed. She was out for the day for some meeting that she didn't tell much about. I was thinking over what I could do to kill time before she arrives when it came to me that surprising her was a good idea.

I went home to my house and quickly showered and changed and started of my day of preparing. I first went to farmer's market to buy some goodies I would use for tonight's menu. Next stop was at Rendezvous Flowers for her bouquet and some other flowers that her house really needs. Cooking took up most of my time rather than cleaning up. Her house was pretty neat in the first place. I set up the table on her balcony with candles and flowers making sure to pay attention to every small detail. The balcony had an overlooking view of her pool so I also set something up on it taking the PLL 100th Episode Party as an inspiration. I filled her way up even the staircase with petals. It would be like her guide on where to find me.

I made sure to wear the sexiest yet casual dress. I don't want to be too seductive but I want to make an impression on her. I've always read that the best way to keep your girl is to court her over and over again even when you're together already. 15 minutes later after being assured everything was set, Ashley came home. All the lights were out except for the one I set up to be kept lit. I could hear her coming closer. I just waited beside the table on her balcony.

"Surprise" I say when I saw her. She had this big goofy smile she always has on her face.

"What's all these?" She gestured her hand around

"It's all for you. You like it?" I walked to her with my hands hiding the bouquet behind my back

"I like you and what you're wearing better." She captured my lips with her and gladly reciprocated. After what felt like an eternity we pulled away. I gave her the flowers I got for her. "Thanks babe"

"Anything for my girl" I wrapped my hands around her waist and the only thing that's keeping our bodies not pressed is the bouquet she's sniffing "You're mine right?"

"Well of course baby" She kissed me again only it didn't last longer like the first kiss. "So tell me what's the occasion?"

"Does it need to have something for me to surprise you?" I replied back

"You've got a point. Did you cook?" I nodded my head and we sat down on opposite sides. "Looks good. I bet it tastes good too"

"Why don't you try it then?" I told her and soon we started eating. In between meals I opened a bottle of wine for us to drink. She was too overwhelmed with everything that she didn't notice my last surprise. "Babe look down"

"Huh? Why?" She bent down and checked under the table which made me laugh

"Not there Ashley. Over there" I pointed to the pool

"Wow. Just wow. How did you even pull that off?" I was proud of myself for getting that reaction from Ashley. On the middle of the pool was floating letters with flowers that formed the phrase 'I Love You'.

"Remember the big letter A during 100th episode party? Same concept" I spoke a bit confidently

"You're one of a kind Shannon" She reached over me and I met her halfway for another kiss.

"I'd do this every day Ash, just so I won't lose you. I'd come up with thousand more surprises, one for each waking moment with you. Honestly, I still have a feeling inside me that someday you might leave me again if I don't make you feel loved and happy." I confessed the main reason why I actually did this. Once you lose someone and get the chance to have them again, there's paranoia in you that they'd leave again sooner or later. I had to keep her happy with me.

"You don't have to do that babe. You're presence is enough to make me happy" She tried to reassure me but then my mind just won't stop doubting

"That didn't stop you the last time" I almost regret saying it. We still have this kind of talk, the one full of sadness and regrets and drama from the past.

"I know. But this I could promise you, I will never make the same mistake again. Leaving you was hard, watching you move on was torture but almost losing you to someone over marriage was the worst." She took my hand with her and gave it a light squeeze. "If there's someone who has to do this most it's me Shay. I messed up and I have a lot to make it to you."

"I love you Ashley" I think all we feel just sums up to those words

"I love you too Shannon and this time it's forever for real" _I certainly hope so._

* * *

**Yes the obvious brittanna scene was intentional :) I re-watched glee's 'The Break-up' episode before writing the other chapter. I just wanted to insert Santana and Brittany because they're GETTING MARRIED on the next episode of glee! Wohoo! Also there was a bit of Finchel in there that I got from 'Goodbye' episode because...Finn. So yeah in this chapter, buttahbenzo's back together! Yay!**


	17. She's the one

-Ashley's POV-

While killing time before we prep up for the wrap up party, Shay decided to head to Farmer's Market for some fresh ingredients for her dish. We were at my place for some buttahbenzo time.

"Ashley I'm home!" I heard shay calling out from the door. That was my most favorite phrase to hear. I daydream at times of me and shay 10 years from now living on a villa in Italy and while she goes out for some errands I tend to our kids and together we share the excitement as Shay arrives and announces that she's home. We all have the freedom to dream right?

"So what's on the menu today?" I helped her out with the groceries.

"Some vegetable fritters, garlic bread on the side and for the main course a tender loving make out sesh with you" she had slowly crept to me while she spoke.

"Oh in that case can I have lunch now?" she cupped my cheeks with both of her hands and leaned in to brush our noses together

"Patience babe" she whispers and leaves a kiss on my forehead.

"Shannon!" I whined like a cookie deprived child but despite my pleas and attempts to get her attention she still went on preparing the food and I just pestered her the whole time.

* * *

Cleaning up the dishes were both our tasks but since she did all the cooking I waved her off. She protested but later on gave in and told me she's going to prepare the movies upstairs. It didn't surprise me when she had chosen Under the Tuscan Sun, The Little Mermaid, Fast and Furious 5 and Bridesmaids.

"You get to pick which movie we'll watch first" she was already on her pink onesie sitting cross-legged on the center of the bed.

"Why don't we go for Little Mermaid" she grinned widely and I took it as her command for me to put the movie in. Well what can you say, I'm whipped. I had cleverly chosen the movie so I could make my way with her. She would've reprimanded me if I distracted her while watching Under the Tuscan Sun. It was her favorite movie that's why.

Since we were now at the center of the bed with her beneath me and I sprawled in front of her, my plan became harder to execute. I changed the angle of my position. Leaning a bit sideways I turned my head and started placing soft kisses on her neck. I could see her lips curve to a small smile.

"Ashley what are you doing?" she spoke gently

"I believe you serve me the wrong course a while ago" I said in between placing feathery kisses on her jaw line downwards to her neck.

"I'm sorry ma`am what was it that you've ordered again?" Shay always loved being playful

"A tall tanned brunette beauty that goes by the name of Shay Mitchell" she smirked at what I said and connected our lips together.

Kissing Shay is beyond delightful. Until now she brings butterflies on my stomach each time we kiss and every time we make love it still feels like the first. I longed for her before and now I long for her even more. Our movements come slow and still, she will be the death of me. We have come to a thytym, a time, a quickening heart beat. We have caught the life, the shuddering hearts of ourselves and so we are at the point in which our flesh is gripped by the other's flesh.

"Shit Ashley!" "Shay!" We've come undone. We lie beside each other, skin to skin, our bodies sharing heat. She closes her eyes and I draw the blanket up against our cloth less bodies.

I don't know how long we've slept but when I opened my eyes, Shay's eyes met mine.

"Did you have a nice sleep babe?" She caresses my face with her palm.

"A sweet one" I replied still dazed by the looks of her. _How can someone be so sweet yet fiercely sexy at the same time?_

"It still feels so surreal; with you here beside me and the things we just did hours back" she said without taking her eyes off me.

"I know. It feels like a dream isn't it? A dream come true that is. You are the best thing that has had happened to my whole life. I love you Shannon" She closed our distance with a kiss.

"I love you too Ashley" She whispered back and so we stayed that way until it was time for us to get up and prepare for the night.

* * *

Shay and I dressed up in different rooms. I have worn the dress she had picked out for me, well actually surprised me with. I had done the same for her. We actually liked it that way, surprising each other with dresses and shoes and gifts. It wasn't that long since we got back together so the 'showering each other' of gifts was still acceptable.

Finally finishing off with my last touch for tonight's look I came out of my room and decided to wait for Shay downstairs. Ever since before she always took the longest time in hair and makeup than most of us. My eyes popped when a goddess made her way downstairs. Her hair was down and fixed, her makeup was on point and her dress, it had hugged perfectly on her curves and it just showed off enough skin to my liking.

"Babe you're drooling" she jokingly wiped away the imaginary drool on my face.

"W-What? Wow!" I gently swatted her hand and held it with mine. "You look good babe. So good"

"I could say the same thing to you creampuff" her smile beamed through the whole living room and I couldn't be more in love with her.

"Make a full turn for me will you" I raised our hands and guided her turn "Wow!"

"Enough with that, you're making me blush" she looked down shyly. _How could someone as good looking as her be so shy of herself? Only you Shay._ "Let's go?" I nodded and we both left for the party.

* * *

I felt so proud of my girl when she had caught everyone's eyes in the room when we arrived. I felt so lucky to have the pleasure of making every single person seem unfit for her aside from myself.

We've made toasts tonight and took photos with everyone. This was the last part of Pretty Little Liars. The end of the line. This movie concludes the story we've brought to life for 8 years; 8 if you count the movie in. Tonight we wrap up the thing that began my relationship with Shay, the friendship we had with everyone and the chapter of our lives that brought us to where we are now.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Drew talking with Laura. Just my luck he also looked my way. I gave him a genuine smile and walked towards them. I haven't thanked him yet for what he's done for me and Shay.

"I'll go around" Laura had excused herself. She's one of the people I would miss most. She had become my mom on the show for years and was like a second mother to me in real life.

"Glad you could make it Drew" I gave him a tight hug

"Wouldn't miss it for anything" he hugged me back just as tight. He pulled away and checked me out. "You look good Ash"

"Why thank you" I said as my cheeks filled with colors. He was so civil with all that has happened. "I never got to thank you for what you've done. I could never repay you for that selfless act nor take away the pain it caused you"

"I just want her happy Ash and as long as you make her, it's good enough for me" A waiter passed by us and Drew picked up two champagne-filled glasses for us. "To love" he raised his glass

"To love" I clank mine with his and we chugged empty its contents.

"On the serious note though, I have one last favor to ask" Drew said in a much serious tone

"Sure, what is it?" I would do anything he would ask me to as long as I capable of doing so. It's the least that I could do.

"I've meaning to give you this and I guess it was just right that I've brought this with me tonight." He took something out of the inside of his coat. "When I bought this, I knew this belonged to the right girl. Only it was just given by the wrong person. When you fell like the time is right, do me a favor and do the right thing. Be the right person who gives this to the right girl at the right time. Here take it" I didn't move a muscle and just stared at the item on his hand.

"Is that…" He shook his head and laughed before taking my hand and placing the item on it.

"Don't forget to put me on the entourage" he whispered as he tapped me on my back and walked away joining in with Ian and Noel's conversation. I looked at Drew with awe and from where he was now he sent me a wink and smirked.

"There you are, I've been looking for you all around" before I could recover from my stun, Shay had dragged me to the dance floor. She failed to notice the thing I was holding so I placed it discreetly on my purse.

* * *

The crowd went wild when Shay and I had done Hanna and Emily's dance routine again. The fun advanced on with line dancing that was lead by Troian and Keegan together. There never is a down time when we were together with this crowd. Moments later the music started to slow down and everyone broke down in pairs. Shay rested her hands on my waist and my hands wrapped around her neck. Our bodies pressed together as we slowly swayed along with the melody. At some point I laid my head on her shoulders and she in turn placed her head on mine.

_Never thought that love could feel like this_

_and you changed my world with just one kiss._

_How can it be that right here with me_

_There's an angel?_

_It's a miracle_

"Shay can I ask you something?" I spoke up

"What is it?" we didn't bother moving away as we conversed

"What do you say about settling down and starting a family?" she tensed up for a second but quickly recovered "I mean with me"

"Well for one I did almost settle down. Remember?" we both chuckled at the memory. My bad, she did actually almost marry Drew. "Starting a family is another thing"

"Oh" I wasn't disappointed at her answer. Of course starting a family is different from settling down. It just didn't involve us but a whole new life or lives that are going to be brought up to this world.

"But starting ours is something else too; something I would want to do, now, later, soon. Where is this coming from?" Her words are rather flattery and my heart feels like it's about to explode with love

"Nothing exactly, it just crossed my mind. We're going to spend our lives forever right?" she kissed the top of my head after I asked

"Forever" she simply replied.

_Your love is like a river_

_Peaceful and deep_

_Your soul is like a secret_

_That I never could keep_

_When I look into your eyes_

_I know that it's true_

_God must have spent..._

_A little more time_

_On you_

We continued slow dancing until the song ended. Another slow song came up.

"I think you owe someone else a dance" I told her with my eyes trailing to Drew. He was laughing with Lindsay as they ended their dance.

"I think I do" We gave each other a quick peck on the lips before Shay went to them and asked Drew to dance with her.

I watched them for a moment before I went to the corner and peaked through the item Drew had given to me. I opened the black velvet box and right in front of me was the ring I helped Drew picked out when he was to propose to Shay. I couldn't believe what my eyes are staring at. _'When I bought this, I knew this belonged to the right girl. Only it was just given by the wrong person. When you fell like the time is right, do me a favor and do the right thing. Be the right person who gives this to the right girl at the right time._' My eyes shifted from the ring I had to Shay on the dance floor and then back to the ring in front of me.

I found the one. Shay's the right one.


	18. Game Changer

-Shay's POV-

I woke up alone inside our hotel room this afternoon. Ashley left already for the PLL convention. We're in Toronto right now but I had to call in sick since I'm not well. I wanted to go out and be at the convention since I owe it to the fans but my body just wouldn't cooperate with me. I got out of bed and checked the view. I was just standing for a minute or two before the world started spinning. I held on to the nearest thing I could and closed my eyes, soon enough everything went back to normal. I haven't been well since the day we got here which was 2 days ago. Nevertheless I was able to attend 2 other commitments prior to the convention but today I had to miss it. This are the times I wish Sammy was here. As if sending a telepathic message my phone rang with Sammy on the other end.

"Hey Sammy!" I greeted with much enthusiasm

"You do sound awful. So Ashley called me and told me to check on you while she's at the convention" of course Ashley would do that.

"I think I caught some bug during the recent trips" we've been traveling endlessly for the upcoming PLL movie's promotions. The movie's up in 2 weeks.

"That's weird. You NEVER I mean never get sick when traveling. It's like your self prescribed medication or something" I groaned in agreement

"I know! I've been nauseous and ridiculously tired and…" Sammy cut me off

"Shay, don't get me wrong okay. Did it ever occur to you that you might be…" silence took over our conversation as soon as we both realized the possibility.

"…pregnant" I said with affirmation. My heart heart pounded so hard on my chest. "I'd call right back Sammy. Say hi to Michaela and Angel for me".

I pondered over the possibility. I'm with Ashley now but 2 months ago I was with Drew and on our last night together…I shook all the negative thoughts away and decided to be brave enough. I dialed the number of a friend here in Toronto and asked a huge favor. 30 minutes later sure enough my close friend Brandon Kaplan arrived with a paper bag on hand that had the kit that would determine my fate.

"I really appreciate you doing this for me BK" He gave me a tight hug before handing me the bag

"Anything for you Shay, what are friends for. Now go do your thing" I was so lucky with my friends.

"It's now or never" I went inside the wash room and stared at the kit. _Get it done and over with Shay._

Waiting for the minutes to pass was a sure killer. I couldn't stop pacing back and forth and I could feel BK's burning stare. My head was filled with thoughts, some of which that made me even more nervous. I almost had a whiplash when the alarm went off.

"Do you want me to check it?" he offered.

"Its okay I got it" I picked up the test kit and slowly brought it to my view. **NEGATIVE.** "Negative" I said with so much relief.

"You can breathe now. I told you Shan it's going to be fine" he stated. I didn't realize I had tears of joy in my eyes until I felt the warm tears running down.

Don't get me wrong, I want to have a child of my own but not now. Not when Ashley and I just got back together and if I were to have a child with Drew, things would just get complicated again. But I wouldn't have to worry about it now because right in front of me is a pregnancy test kit that says I'm not pregnant.

"But I still think you need to see the doctor for proper prognosis and prescription" I would've protested against it but he spoke up again "I know a family friend who could see you today"

"Okay. I'll be ready in a few" I sighed and went on preparing.

On our way to the doctor I planned on informing Ashley but decided to send Marlene a text message instead. Knowing my baby, she would worry too much of me so I also asked Marlene not say a word to Ashley.

'_To M. King: On my way to see the doctor. Be back before soon. P.S. please don't tell Ash. Xoxo -Shay'_

Just as we pulled up on the parking lot my phone beeped with Marlene's reply.

'_From : Are you on your own? How are you feeling now? -MK'_

I quickly keyed in my response before we entered the building and placed my phone back to my purse.

"_To : Not well but I'll be better after this I hope. I'm with a friend don't worry. –Shay"_

"Hello we're here to see Dr. Robertson. I called in a while ago." BK approached the desk and I chose to sit on the waiting area. _What could be wrong with me?_

* * *

-Ashley's POV-

The convention was a blast. The fans loved us so much and it was so fun interacting with them and answering their questions. Most of them asked where Shay was and I had to explain to them that my princess is sick. Speaking of Shay I tried reaching her phone but it goes directly to voicemail. I figured she must've forgotten to charge it again. Once our dinner is over I could go back to our hotel room and check on her.

I have so much planning done in my mind on how to propose to her and my problem now is which one I should do. I was thinking of doing a big surprise party and I'll just pop the question in front of everyone but decided against it. I thought about taking her to somewhere romantic with all the music and fireworks and magic but then that's similar to how Drew did it. I needed something new, a fresh idea, most importantly something perfect.

"Ashley hey!" Lucy tried getting my attention. From the looks of her she must've been trying for quite a while.

"Sorry I spaced out. What is it?" She and Troian, who was beside her, giggled at my lack of focus.

"We noticed. So after going to the hotel we're planning on going out for some fun time. Do you want to join us?" It was what we do when we're travelling together. We love to go out at night and party like normal people would.

"I'd love too but only when Shay's feeling better." I said to them.

"Oh right. How is she by the way?" Troian asked with concern. I guess none of us had actually heard from her since we left

"I tried calling her but it goes directly to voicemail. She must've forgotten to charge it again. I sure hope she's all better now. Poor Shannon" I pout just with the thought of her so sick

"She looked really exhausted before we left" Troian pointed out

"I know. I just wish we could go back now" I sighed sadly

"Don't worry Benzo we will be soon" The three of us went on with our dinner. _The sooner we finish this the sooner I'll be with Shay._

* * *

I arrived at our hotel room a bit later than I expected. Everyone was having a good talk with each other and the next thing we know time went away already.

"Shay honey I'm back" I announce my arrival as I started removing my accessories

"At the wash room babe" Shay answers back. I saw her phone resting on the nightstand and checked it. Just as I thought her phone was out of battery so I plugged it on its charger. I stripped out of my clothes and went to my luggage for change of clothes.

"How was it?" I feel Shay's arms snaking on my waist. She smelled like cherry blossoms wash gel.

"It was really good. The fans missed you" I lean my body on hers. She moves my hair from one side to another and started placing feathery kisses on my neck.

"I'm still so bummed I didn't get to see them." I closed my eyes and enjoyed the feeling of what Shay was doing but not until I remembered the reason why she wasn't able to attend.

"How are you feeling now by the way?" I turned around to face her too fast thus making her lips crash too close on mine. "Oops sorry babe"

"I feel better" she says almost too soon. She smiles weakly which could make me think that she was lying but just didn't take it that way.

"You sure?" I cup her cheek with one hand while my other hand rests on her waist

"Yeah" I looked at her in the eye and I swear she looks like an angel from heaven but it's the same eyes that give me doubt that she was telling the truth. I don't know why but there's this feeling in me that wouldn't believe Shay. "Can we order pizza I'm starving?" she suddenly walks away from me and looks on her luggage for clothes

"Actually Lucy and Troian are inviting us for a girls night out, now that you're feeling better do you want to go?" I ask her resuming my task of looking for clothes

"Do you want to?" She asks me and from her tone I already know she doesn't want to go but would go just because I want to.

"We could skip it if you're not up to it" At times like this there's no way Shay would turn down something when she knows I want it

"No if you want to we could" I shook my head and pulled out my night clothes

"I think you and I could use some rest tonight. We still have lots of places to travel for promotion and you still look sick anyways." Shay pouted feeling bad thinking she's the reason why I'm not going. "Come on don't pout. I'd rather be here with you, you know that. So pizza?"

"And you also know that you could always get your way with me with pizza" She raised her brow on me and I just shrugged it off. "How about you give me a lap dance for a change?" I just laughed at her antics.

"Pizza it is then" I grabbed the hotel phone and called for room service. While waiting for our pizza I decided to shower. _'How about you give me a lap dance for a change?' _What Shay said crossed my mind and I suddenly had a brilliant idea. I was on the middle of my preparation for my plan when I heard the doorbell rang. It's probably our pizza. _Just on time._

I went out still on my robe and saw Shay already nibbling on a slice of pizza. It's no secret how she's much of a pizza monster. I picked up my phone and scrolled through my playlist. When I found what I was looking for I pressed play and started dancing around. At first Shay looked at me confused but then figured out what I was planning on.

"What my baby wants my baby gets" I started untying my robe and stripped tease. When I took it off Shay burst in laughter when she saw what I had underneath. I was wearing a pizza print matching shirt and shorts. I bought it without Shay's knowledge and planned on surprising her once she sees it. I mentally patted myself on the back for actually bringing it here with us.

_Flashing lights, flashing lights_

_You got me faded, faded, faded_

_Baby, I want you, na na_

"Oh my God" Shay just couldn't stop laughing. The sound of her laughter is like music to my ears that keeps me going. I walk towards her and lowered myself so I was sitting on her lap facing her. I sensually moved my body and she playfully kept smacking my ass. "Shake it shake it"

When I couldn't do it any longer I stood up and broke my seriousness. Seeing how Shay enjoyed it is enough for me.

"You like it hun?" Shay nodded like a child. "Good" I leaned in for a sweet passionate kiss.

* * *

All night long Shay and I stayed in bed watching TV cuddled up together. It was our last night here in Toronto and tomorrow after lunch we're going back to L.A. for other commitments then travel again to Brazil. Shay badly wanted what I was wearing and was overjoyed when I told her that I brought her a pair too. While she was focused on what she was watching I stare at her angelic face and wonder how lucky I was to have her with me. _You really have to pop the question sooner Benzo._

_Our eyes meet and her eyes were so tempting. She just stares at me and brushes the loose strand of hair on my face. She smirks at me before kissing me on my lips. It started off real slow. She pushes me further to the door and my back meets the cold wooden door. Her hands capture my face and I lean towards her palm. I traced her lips with my tongue but she's the one who deepens the kiss she explored my mouth with her tongue. My insides felt like being ignited and that there was a fire in me that wasn't going to die down anytime soon. _

_My hand soon travels on her back moving it up and down going inside her shirt. She smiles in between the kiss and it makes my heart leap with joy also making me smile. I playfully bit her earning a musical moan. Her hands move from my face to both of my sides by my waist. She holds me firmly pressed on her as she gently moved backward towards her bed without breaking the kiss. When she finally feels the edge of the bed she flipped our positions and guides me downwards to sit on the bed. She looks at me eye to eye as I sit down. _

_Her eyes were glimmering with now a darker shade. She lowered herself so I was now looking down on her. I closed my eyes as I felt her lips coming closer to meet mine. She kissed me like she too was consumed by my fire. Slowly I lied down on the bed bringing her along with me on top._ _I pull her shirt up slowly. As each second passed more article of clothing had been tossed away. It was slow, it was passionate, it was love. Tonight, I know we were…_

"Ashley. Baby wake up" I swear I would kiss Shay for waking me up from that very sexy and naughty dream.

"It was just getting on the good part" I whine and cover my face with pillow attempting to go back on my sleep.

"No don't sleep again. I'm taking you out come on. We don't have much time" Shay peppered my face with kisses in her attempts to wake me up and well let's just say I might have enjoyed it until she added tickles with it.

"You're such a child" I giggle so much

"I could say the same hun. Now you go shake shake shake" With one last kiss Shay got off the bed and I, being the whipped that I am, got off too and started preparing.

"Where are we going babe?" We were walking hand in hand on a bright early morning.

"Somewhere special to me" She answered with a smile

Getting on our rental Shay gave out instructions to our driver. Not long after we arrived on what appears to be a park. We got off the car and made our way to the swing set.

"So this is your special place?" I ask her as she light pushes the swing I was sitting on

"Right here is where little Shannon used to run around before. I was about ten when we left Toronto for Vancouver and this was the last place I went to." Shay sighed feeling nostalgic of the place.

"It's beautiful" I said looking around the place. Shay moved away from pushing the swing and sat down on the other swing of the set. The light bulbs in my head lit up. This would be the perfect place to propose to her. _Damn it I didn't bring the ring with me._

"I love you" She declared out of the blue

"I know" I say cockily but she just smiled sweetly and looked at me in the eye never breaking contact

"Losing you was the hardest thing that has happened to me and I never want for it to happen again. I…sometimes I find myself spacing out imagining what my life with you in 10 years would be. I know it's a bit farfetched but what can I say I can't imagine my life without you Ashley. I want to spend my entire lifetime loving you and being with you." I was honestly taken back of what Shay was saying especially with the tears that comes with it. It made me tear up too. I'm the one who's supposed to say all these things to her. I'm the one who's proposing…or is she…Shay takes her purse and pulls out something from her bag.

"But sometimes fate could just be so cruel" her tears flow like rain and I feel lost to where she's headed. She brings whatever she pulled out closer to my view. "Ashley I'm…"

* * *

**Hello gentle readers :) It's been a long time without you my friend. Nope I'm not singing. Let me just recap what happened while I was away. Hmmm...so buttahbenzo's back and they had a photo shoot, matching slippers and necklaces, snap chat vids. Then Shay's birthday came and Ashley nonetheless gave her a striptease and birthday dance and nope the love doesn't stop there. The liars went to NY and we went to cray cray land when Ashley was casually groping Shay's boobs and Shay was just you know smacking that ass while Ashley is giving her a lap dance. Ahhh.**

**Aside from that we now know the girls is in a dollhouse with Charles, the A (uber A/Big A). Faking it is renewed for the 3rd season and they released a mind f*cking 2B trailer. ugh! OITNB is back on June 12th for those who don't know yet. They're always up for their 4th season. Yay! For other creampuffs out there, Carmilla s02 is so ooooonnnn!**

**And...if you're an emison fan I might've written an emison fic '**A Whole New World**' just go check out my profile.**

**So April 8 of last year I published my first story in this site and to celebrate my year here I am welcoming your prompts for me to write. Hit me up on my inbox and I will see to do the best I can. :))**


	19. Twist and Turns

-Shay's POV-

"_Hello Brandon and…Shannon. Have a seat" After having my blood extracted for some tests we waited until I was called in. BK said he'll just wait for me but I felt anxious and asked him to come with me inside the doctor's office. "How are you right now Ms. Mitchell?"_

"_You could call me Shay doctor. Actually I feel slightly better. It comes and goes." I narrated to the doctor what I've been feeling the past few days. Just as I finished the nurse came in with my test results._

"_We have your results; let's see what's going on with you." I nervously tapped my foot on the floor. The doctor was all too silent while reading the results._

"_Doctor, is something wrong with me?" I finally asked getting impatient and intensely nervous._

"Ashley I'm…" I swallow the lump on my throat "I'm madly in love with you" I crash our lips together for a kiss. Ashley was surprised by my spontaneous action. Before she could respond to it I pulled away whispering an 'I'm sorry'. I stood up and ran away. _I couldn't say it._

"Shay. Shay wait. Shannon stop!" I wasn't too far when I heard Ashley calling after me. I quickened my pace but soon enough she had caught me up. Pulling me by my arm she turned me around. "Shannon why are you walking away from me?" She held me with much force that I couldn't slip away from her. "This" she raised what I was holding a while ago to my face "This is..."

"Yes!" I snap and Ashley let's go of me taking the news in.

"_Your fatigue level is elevated but I'm placing this is with all the stress from work yeah? I could give you vitamins to help you with that. Hmmm…aside from that you don't have anything else to worry about. But I have some good news for you too…you're having a baby" my head spins as soon as I hear his words._

"_WHAT?" BK, who's just surprised as I am, asked. "Could you say that again I must've heard it wrong?"_

"_She's pregnant. Congratulations" The doctor reached out his hand to me and BK._

"_Oh, no no I'm-we're not together. I'm not the father " BK chuckled at the misconception and even myself found a good humor to it_

"_Oh sorry my bad. Well then let's just go check on you and your baby Shay." He asked me to lie down and raise my shirt a bit. He squirted some liquid cream on my belly it was a bit cold to be honest. "You see this right here? There's your baby" I turned my head as much as I could on my position and my heart swelled on my chest as I see a tiny peanut-sized figure on screen._

"_Wow. How far along is she?" BK might not be the baby daddy but he sure did have the biggest smile on his face_

"_About 9 weeks and the baby's doing fine. I'll give you additional supplements to keep you in good health." To say that I was overjoyed was an understatement. I had just fallen in love, a different kind that I have for Ashley. All my worries suddenly vanished in thin air._

"_How many copies of your sonogram do you want?" The doctor politely asked._

"_2…uhmm…no make that 3" I was too consumed by my current state that it almost slipped my mind. How will I tell her? "Oh Ashley"_

"I don't get why you're crying and running away from me. You're pregnant so what?! I love you Shay and that baby you're carrying does not change that." Ashley says almost out of breath.

"You're just saying that now. Ashley I'm carrying my ex boyfriend's child, it's so much complicated than how it seems. You're going to come to your senses and you'll break up with me" Have I said already that I was paranoid?

"Break up with-what?" Ashley laughed like it was a ridiculous idea. I wiped away my tears and rolled my eyes attempting to keep walking again. "Hey hey baby wait. I would never do that to you. I already told you this baby doesn't change anything. It might've been unplanned but it's definitely a blessing. Yes it came as a very big surprise and I might need some time and space to wrap my head around this but I'm not going anywhere"

"See you even need time and space" I whined…because I'm stubborn.

"Not in that way but…look at me. I'm here for you okay, for you and this child. I love you and if it means anything I love you even more because you now have another life inside of you." She cups my cheeks and caresses it with her thumb.

"I love you too and thank you. I really thought my situation would scare you away" I pouted but she kissed it away

"Nothing could scare me away from you. You can't get rid of me that easily you know." I grabbed her and tightly wrapped my arms around her. "Have you told Drew about this?" I shook my head no. "Well you know you have to babe. He has the right to know"

"I know" I whispered.

"We'll figure something out okay?" Ashley pulled away from me and attached our lips together. "Who doesn't want mini Shannon running around" We both laughed at her antics and together we examined my sonogram.

I still can't believe how Ashley reacted with the news. She was very positive about it which makes me think that it's all just a dream. I'm not a pessimist but I just came to a thought that what if Ashley's just doing all these because she loves me. What if she isn't ready for this but doesn't want to lose me. What if one day it came to a point where I have to choose between her and my child. It's all too much. Questions such as those roamed my mind as we travelled back to L.A.

Ashley stayed over for the night but we didn't bring up my current condition as we talked. When the morning broke and I woke up she was gone. She left a note that said she didn't want to wake me up so she just left but will come by soon. How soon is soon?

I tried to go on with my routine; breakfast, e-mails, light exercise, but nothing could clear up my mind. I decided to give her call and after countless rings she finally answered.

**"_Hey hun" _**she sounded like she was out on somewhere that was open judging by the background noise.

"Morning. Did I bother you? I woke up and you were gone already. I miss you" I used with her my lovey dovey voice.

**"_Yeah I had to get home early. I'm out for the day" _**Her voice was low, cold, and distant (?).

"Where are you?" I don't usually check on her but I felt the need to.

**"_Out. I mean I'm just…somewhere. I have to go now. See you tonight yeah?" _**Ashley was totally making me worried.

"Alright. Bye baby. I love you." There was a long silent pause on her end before she spoke again

**"_Okay" _**and with that the call ended.

Did she realize that she can't do this? I'm really over thinking right now. Ashley was being weird and I can't help but relate it to the current situation. I don't know what I'd become if Ashley decides to leave me but for the sake of my child I need to be strong. Seeing that I had no other choice but keep my thoughts of Ashley positive, I decided to arrange a meet up with Drew.

When I arrived at the pizza place where we had our first date Drew was already waiting for me on a booth on the farthest end. He gave me his charming smile when he saw me walking towards him. It is certain that we would have one good looking kid.

"Thanks for agreeing to meet with me here" I said as soon as I sat down. I rehearsed what I'm going to say to him on my way here but leaned on being straightforward instead

"No problem with that. Is something wrong Shay? Why did you want to see me?" I took a deep breath and took another copy of the sonogram and placed it on top of the table.

"I won't go around the bush Drew. You deserve to know" His eyes widen at his realization. Without warning he stood from where he was seated and went to my side and wrapped me in his arms.

"I'm going to be a dad" He pulled away and he had tears of joy on his face. I wiped them away and he pulled me in again. If paparazzi were around I'm pretty sure we'd be up to a big controversy. "Wait. Does Ashley know?"

"She does" I can't help but feel sad at the thought of Ashley. I haven't heard from her again today.

"How did she react to this?" You could clearly see how worried Drew is. "I already love this baby but the least that I want is for this baby to cause a rift between you two"

"Quite positive I must say. She said she's here for me and that we'll figure something out." A small smile crept to my face as I remember Ashley's words

"That's great isn't it? Wow." He stared at the sonogram. "I know this doesn't change anything between us but can I be part of this child's life?"

"Of course you can. You're already part of our child's life. We might not be together but you're still this baby's dad." I know when this child enters this world he/she would have the best people around to protect and love him.

"Can I keep this?" He gestured to the sonogram and I nodded yes. Drew and I went talking for the rest of our time at the pizza place until we had to leave for our own respective destinations.

* * *

-Ashley's POV-

I woke up from my very light sleep last night with Shay still sleeping beside me. I picked up a pen and a paper and wrote her down a note. Shay was silent on our whole trip back home. What could she have been thinking about? I haven't had that much sleep thinking over how things are now. Shay's having a baby; she's going to be connected to Drew in one way or another. Could I actually share the same responsibility with Shay if I stayed around? Not wanting to overthink too much as much as I was already was, I went back to my place. After taking a shower at my place I drove away to my parents' house. This day is certainly gonna be a long one.

"Hey mom" I gave my mom a kiss on the cheek as I arrived on their house.

"Hello baby girl. To what do I owe this visit huh?" I didn't say anything but wrapped my arms around her instead and buried my face on her neck. "Have you broken up again?"

"Oh no no mom no" I quickly responded. Amidst this situation never would I want that to happen. "It's just that…hmmm…hypothetically if your girlfriend is pregnant with her ex boyfriend's baby how would you feel?"

"Shay's pregnant?!" Her eyes grew wide in shock.

"Mom I said hypothetically." I defended not wanting to be the one spilling out the big news in behalf of Shay.

"Okay fine. Hypothetically I won't feel bad but I would somehow take a step back and think things through? I mean she's going to have a baby and that's a big thing for her. If you want her you'd want her all or nothing at all. This isn't just about you and her anymore." I sighed deeply.

"What if you've committed yourself already that you're going to be there? What if you really want to be with her?" My mom caresses my cheeks and smiles at me

"I think you already know the answers to your questions Ashley." I smiled back

"Well it's just a hypothetical question anyway" I shrugged but I knew my mom knows it wasn't hypothetical at all

"Uh huh." She smirked at me. It's funny how I was just like her. Our conversation was cut off by a phone call from Shay but I decided to decline it. "Evading her?"

"No. I just have something in mind." I smiled my widest grin. I have made up my mind.

* * *

-Shay's POV-

On my way home from the pizza place I called Troian wanting to hangout with her for a while but I couldn't get hold of her. She might be doing aerial yoga right now or something. Remembering that I'd need some stuff for our next stop for PLL tour I side tracked for a while. Hours and shopping bags later I went home happily.

"Mickey look at what I got. We could try out some new recipes tonight." I excitedly went inside the house with the things I bought on hand.

"That's a lot you got there Shan. Where were you?" Mickey helped me with the load and I went to the fridge for some beverage.

"I had pizza with Drew and then I called Troian but-" before I could continue Michaela cut me off mid-sentence

"You had pizza with who?" It was so reckless of me and now I have two choices, lie or tell everything.

"You had pizza already?" Sammy went to the kitchen just in time for the conversation

"She did…with DREW" Michaela put emphasis on his name making my eyes roll

"Yes I did but I have a very good reason for it" Two pairs of arms crossed at the same time waiting for my explanation

"I'm not supposed to tell you this yet but…well…" I didn't realize it was this hard to tell them, my best friends in the world of all people.

"Come on Shay" Sammy encouraged

"I-I'm…pregnant" No one said a word for what felt like years "Girls?"

"Oh my…wow Shay!" Michaela pulled me first then Sammy followed suit.

"Congratulations! This is good news right?" I nodded my head yes in response.

"How did they react to the news? Drew and Ashley, Ashley knows about this yes?" I nodded again to Michaela's inquiry.

"They're both happy about the baby. Only you two, Drew and Ashley knows for now. I hope you could keep it among us first." I pulled them again for a hug.

"We sure can Shay, no worries" Sammy's phone rang just as we pulled away. Without looking at the caller ID she answered her phone and raised her index finger to silence us. Her face suddenly falls and her eyes connect with Michaela. They might not notice me looking at them but I did see the looks they were exchanging.

"When did you find out? I'm really excited for this child of yours. I swear I would be this child's favorite." Michaela called dibs on being the favorite but I don't think the other girls would concede to that. Michaela cracked a joke to which I laughed at but focused more on Sammy. When she finally finished her business over the phone her facial features remained unchanged. I just know something is wrong.

"Sammy, you okay?" I asked very much concerned

"Shay, Ashley got caught in a vehicular incident just now" _WHAT?_

* * *

**Here you go gentle readers. This day last year, I have uploaded the first chapter of my first buttahbenzo story, '****Best friends you say?****'. :))**

**So I've read the prompts you sent and have chosen one that I would use for my next Hannily story. :))**


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